Denial: Thu July 30, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

July 30 2009
Written by Daran Little, directed by David Kester.

Joe’s raiding Gail’s kitchen frantically.  For drugs, no less.  Or drug money.  Bingo!  Gail drops her wallet out of her purse on the table, and forgets it in her haste to get to work on time.  How long is this loser going to be pilfering from Gail???

Joe’s now resorted to selling off his tools for drug money. How is this going to help his kitchen-building, that’s he’s supposed to be doing right now, to pay off that loan from one of Len’s “guys.”  No matter which path he seems to take, it leads to a dead end.  David plays “keep-away” with Joe’s pills until he can cough up the rest of the 100 quid he requested.

Back to square one, Joe eyes Gail’s wallet again on the counter topGail comes home with her shopping, with Tina who’s helped her with her bags, to find her wallet and notices right away that she’s missing approximately 30 quid.  Immediately, as predicted, David’s getting blamed for it.  Joe gets overwhelmed with guilt and admits that he took the money.  Well, admits to borrowing it.  Uh huh.  Snake in the grass!  Oh, Joe even makes Tina apologize for calling David a loser when he was being wrongfully accused.  Well, seems like David’s got his pawns lined up nicely.

In private, Gail confronts Joe about the money missing from her wallet last week, but Joe denies taking it. Gail tells Joe she needs trust in a relationship.  Well, then get your foot ready and the door open Gail!  Joe tells Gail that he promises he won’t hurt her.  As Blanche would say, “get to my age, and you make a lot of promises.”  How many broken promises has Joe left in his wake, I wonder?

David produces the pain pills to Joe, as promised.  With one condition: he’ll only give him half now, and the other half after he gets Tina to be nice to him. Oh, David!  That ship has sailed!

Looks like Chesney’s back on his paper-route and groaning about it.  He makes it sound like he works for some big railroad boss or something.  It’s a paper-route!  Fiz offers to take him into town at lunch to exchange his trainers.  He makes a sassy comment about being surprised she has enough time for him. Fiz needs to open a can of whoop-ass on him!

Alas, Fiz cancels on Chesney, because she has to work overtime.  Fiz wonders if Chesney’s new-found attitude is because he’s turned 15.  Well, that is the magical number it seems.  He’s a man now.  Where he’s gone, there’s no coming back.  All you can do is mourn the boy you used to adore.  I still miss my adoring kid brother… 

Chesney angrily pushes past Rita, and rudely tells her to watch where she’s going.  Oh *slap* for that from me!  Rita puts him in his place, and reprimands him for screwing up Mr. Windass’s delivery.  Chesney tells her she can take her job and shove it. Well, not quite, but pretty much.

Back at home, Chesney complains about his problems to the only one who’s always willing to listen: his dog.  Chesney is rooting through the pockets of everyone’s coats on the rack looking for the receipt for his trainers.  But that’s not all he finds.  He picks up a small box to reveal Fiz’s engagement from John and utters “no way…”  Yes, way Chesney, yes way.

Fiz comes home early and apologizes to Chesney for cancelling lunch earlier.  Fiz checks her coat pockets with a panicked look on her face, and leaves in a haste with an excuse.  Chesney pulls out her ring box from his pocket.  What’s he up to now? You know, I feel bad for Chesney and all, but I feel bad for Fiz too.  She’s a young woman, and she’s doing a lot taking care of a teenage boy when she could be living her life.  Chesney should still be grateful to her, even if he’s not happy with the decisions she makes.

Becky won’t be inviting any of her family to her wedding.  You know, sometimes I forget how much of a mysterious woman Becky really is.  How much do we really know about her? Betty tells Becky to scratch her name off the wedding invite list.  Betty has decided that for the rest of her life she doesn’t want to attend another wedding.  Fair enough.  Becky thinks it’s a shame how not one of Steve’s family members is going to see him get married, so she decides to track down Jim McDonald to invite him. Thank heavens! I love Jim and Liz in the same room!

Emily informs Rita that Norris will be late since he’s helping Freda pack her suitcase.  Rita notices that Emily’s got her hair done and wonders who’s benefit it’s for.  No flies on Rita! Emily tells her she needs to stop reading romance stories.

Ramsay signs Freda a farewell goodbye, and gets it somewhat wrong.  Freda was very rude with him!  At least he was trying!  Emily doesn’t look pleased.  Good riddance Freda!  She was like a 24 hour flu!

Later, Ramsay and Emily are sitting by the glow of the projector looking at Emily’s old slides.  My, my, this is very intimate. Of course that couch leaves no room for the notion of personal space.  The projector switches to a slide of Emily and her Ernest on their wedding day.  Emily gets embarrassed and quickly switches the slide.  Ramsay insists she go back to her wedding slide and tells her how happy she looks.  He then tells Emily he’s never been married and he’s honored that she’s shared her memories with him.  Norris busts in and interrupts this intimate moment.  Much like a parent coming down to the basement and turning the lights on demanding to know what’s going on. What a party-pooper!

It doesn’t take long for Norris to spill the beans about the scene he’d just witnessed to Rita.  Norris tells her, “It was like a scene from Mrs. Miniver.  I kept expecting to hear an air-raid siren.” LOL.  Good one writers, that was classic.  No pun intended.  Rita asks Norris if it ever entered his mind that Ramsay and Emily might be attracted to one another.  Norris accuses Rita of inhaling too much hairspray!  Poor Rita, according to her friends she’s a hair-sprayed, romance-reading old woman!  Norris doesn’t believe that Emily could be attracted to Ramsay.  Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, Norris.

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That Odious Man: Mon July 27 Corrie Episode Review

July 27 2009

Written by Peter Whalley (7:30) and Jonathan Harvey (8:30), directed by David Kester.

Much to Gail’s delight, David offers to help Joe clean out his lock-up and Joe accepts. David notices Joe’s pill-popping with a mischevious smile on his face. He and Tony should have an evil show-down. Joe’s got a huge bonfire going of junk from his lock-up. He may as well throw his dignity in the fire too, although it’d probably spread the flames to lethal proportions. David waits until Joe’s back is turned to take his pill bottle, and empties the pills into his pocket. He then takes the empty bottle and tells Joe that now he’s got no pain, he doesn’t need those old meds. David then tosses the bottle into the fire and Joe screams a resounding “Noooooo.” He freaks out, then pretends it’s fine to save face. Dastardly David has such an evil smirk spread across his face.

Back home, Joe gets annoyed David continues to talk about the pills he threw into the fire. He’s gonna blow! And blow he does. He’s in complete withdrawal and on an irate rampage. Gail immediately asks David what happened. David says he has no clue. Outside, Joe asks Graeme for more drugs, but Graeme says tells him no. David comes out and interrupts the conversation. David tells Joe that he can probably get him some pills from his connections from juvie. What does David want Joe under his thumb for now?

Is Gail doing leg-lifts with frozen bags of peas??? Does she do arm curls with soup cans? Joe comes in and apologizes to Gail for his behaviour for about the 50 billionth time. David charges Joe 50 quid for the drugs he stole from Joe. Oh, man.

Jason and Tina come over and ask Joe if he can fit them a kitchen for free. Pfft!!! They manage to find a way (credit) for it all to work out. They also say that they want to keep the fact that they’re buying a place together on the “down-low” from David. Oh, honestly! He’s going to find out, why not at least tell him yourself? Later, David tells Joe that the pills actually cost 100 quid, and of course, Joe pays up. David is pure evil. I actually feel sorry for Joe now, believe it or not.

Jason, none-the-wiser, had a great time playing on the gay football team with Leon. He just loves Leon and the team dynamics. Eileen and Tina both teasing him about it. Eileen and Tina sure seem to get along well. Although Eileen gets along with most people, that don’t have the surname Platt, that is.

Becky discusses with Steve the date of their wedding when her phone rings and she makes an excuse to leave the room and answer it. It’s Slug, he’s in his “Slug Gear” and he’s in front of the pub. Becky meets him outside and gets him a meal in the cafe. Slug warns Becky to watch herself and be careful. He’s said all he can. Becky takes this warning with a grain of salt. Becky’s hairpiece is chavtastic by the way. Steve is jealous that Becky’s talking with Slug again.

Steve tells Becky that the registry office has a cancellation for the 14th of August, but he said no to that date since it won’t give them enough time to plan. Becky insists that he call them back and accept. The date is set. In two weeks we’ll all have front-row seats for what should be Corrie wedding of the year! Steve asks Lloyd to be his best man and Lloyd hopes the wedding will bring Liz back. We’re all hoping for that.

Audrey brings Helen to the salon to get her hair sprayed by Natasha. What’ll it be today, ma’am?” “Oh, just a little off the ends, a blow-dry and a Tony-bashing.” Natasha tells Helen the story of Tony viciously dumping her. Audrey is getting nervous listening to Natasha and Helen go on about dangerous Tony and decides to stop over there.

At Maria’s, Audrey asks Maria if she doesn’t think that maybe Tony does fancy her. Maria IS being naive! Or she’s in denial. If Tony really was a saint that just helped people for NO reason, then why isn’t he over at Fiz’s helping her with her prison-wedding plans? Or helping Janice study for her nursing exams? Or Rosie with her knicker designs? Tony arrives and Maria asks him in, front of Audrey, if there’s a reason that he’s so helpful to Maria. After a quick tea, Audrey promises Maria she’ll stop listening to Helen. Tony tells Audrey that he might be able to manage a truce, which Audrey is grateful for.

Audrey is enjoying a drink with Helen and Barry when Tony comes into the pub. Tony says he came to the pub to apologize to Helen and to buy her a drink. He tells them he went too far, and was trying only to protect Maria and Liam Jr. Helen’s not sure about taking the apology, but she will take that drink. That’s my girl!

Tony’s charm seems to work since it got Helen and Barry to come back to Maria’s with an open mind. They all decide to make a truce in favour of Baby Liam. Helen puts on a new face, but when Tony and Maria are out of earshot she tells Barry that they must get Maria away from that odious man. Odious indeed.

It’s Chesney’s birthday, and surprise, Cilla didn’t remember it! If she’s still alive. Chesney has slept in and forgone his paper route. Chesney’s very cavalier about his paper route duties not caring if he gets fired, and very ungrateful for his birthday gifts. He accuses Fiz of being so obsessed with John Stape that she can’t remember what size his birthday trainers should be. How very uncharacteristic of him. Is he drinking from the same spout as David Platt? Chesney’s hot happy that Fiz is going to see John on his birthday and refers to John as Fiz’spedo-partner.” The poor kid.

Fiz enlists in Sophie and Sian to cheer Chesney up. Sophie and Sian stop by with a “birthday gram” for Chesney and invite him bowling. Oh come on, spending your birthday with two good looking girls? That’s got to be better than hanging out with your sister! Poor Chesney has no dosh though, so he can’t go. My heart bleeds for this kid, truly it does. Chesney’s really not having the best birthday. He even assaults Eddie with a can after Eddie accuses him of mixing up their paper deliveries! Not that I minded the scene, but it’s most out of character for Chesney. Hopefully he won’t follow in similar footsteps of an older ginger-haired boy on the street.

Mind Your Own: Fri July 24, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

July 24 2009

Written by Martin Allen, directed by Dominic LeClerc.

Grammy Connor gets on Maria’s nerves by pointing out that she was out late last night. Well, she did wear her earrings to bed. Grammy asks if she was out with Tony. Geesus, none of your business woman! Tony comes by to bring Maria a Thomas the Tank Engine bookset for Liam Jr. noting that he may get a chance to read them to him when he’s older. Oh no! Another hint my terrible view of Liam Jr.’s future might come true! (where Tony is his father figure whom he adores his entire life like a father, until the day he finds out that Tony killed his REAL father). Mammy Connor tells Tony that they’ve no plans to go home at the moment.
Mammy Connor once again hassles Maria over her and Tony’s relationship. That woman has some nerve. Mammy Connor KNOWS that Tony’s up to no good, and something strange is going on. Come hell or high water, Mammy Connor wants to protect that baby. Good luck! Maria complains to Tony about it, and Tony tries to tell her to ignore them. Not. Really. Working.

Barry Connor pops into the Rovers to have a jovial chat with Betty. See, she’s very chipper today folks, so I guess she’s not so “Ugly Betty” after all. Just takes a silver fox to come along to turn her frown upside down I suppose. I didn’t realize that Tony still wore his wedding band. Tony lays it out for Barry: take your wifey and leave. Barry feebly defends them against Tony’s strong-arm. Poor Helen looked devastated when Barry told her that Tony threatened them that if they didn’t back off that they might never see their grandson again.

Helen marches over to Tony and lays it out for him: he’ll not be threatening them regarding their grandson. Tony tells her that she’s doing Maria’s head in and it’s his business, since Maria’s his friend. Helen accuses Tony of liking widows, or vulnerable women in general, because it makes him feel like more of a man. That’s a red button she’s pushed! Tony tells her to take her toxic tongue and her tubby hubby back to the land of beggorah and bejesus. He tells her life goes on, and asks her “Liam, who?” Scathing!!! Hell hath no fury like a Tony scorned! Poor Helen just bursts into tears after Tony saunters off. Oh, the poor woman!!! Poor her and poor Maria for terrible Tony coming into their lives and ruining them.

Helen warns Maria against Tony, that she has no idea what sort of man she’s getting herself involved in. She’s very right. This is her third red-flag against Tony now! Now it’s Helen warning her, before it was Natasha, and even prior to that it was her very OWN conscience! Helen gets vicious and accuses Maria of having Tony warming her son’s side of the bed. Maria’s had enough and opens the door and tells them to get out. Then she lets it out to them that their son wasn’t very “precious” at all, and that he was cheating on HER, but of course they can hear no evil about Liam and don’t believe her. They leave after her final insistence.

Audrey picks up Helen and Barry at the pub and tells them they’re staying with her. Maria calls Tony over immediately. Tony consoles Maria with an intimate embrace and a kiss on the forehead. Saved by the bell! Us from that awkward moment that almost led to a kiss, that is!

Jason and Tina are still on their house-hunt. Eileen complains about having to cash some, what she thinks rubbish, shares of her father’s. She also tells Jason and Tina that No. 12 Coronation Street is up for sale. How convenient! Heaven forbid they had to find a property off the street. Good thing it’s an affordable neighborhood.

Ashley decides to go ahead with his vasectomy. Real front page news here. Claire comes home from the hospital. Claire decides to tell Eileen that Ashley’s going for a vasectomy! She figures Eileen will find how sooner or later. Erm, HOW??? That’s none of Eileen’s business! Which Eileen clearly stated and is clearly written across her face. Eileen goes and tells Lloyd and Peter about the vasectomy gossip via sign language, making a scissoring motion with her fingers. Naughty Eileen! Peter lets the cat out of the bag that Eileen told them and Claire told Eileen about the vasectomy. Peter accompanies Ashley to the chopping block, making jokes about it all along the way. With Peter’s track record, maybe he should take the next appointment!

Ashley’s tell-tale heart is beating in his ear as he gets nervous and panics in the operating room. Ashley runs out and tells Peter that he just can’t do it. Peter tells him to get his clothes on, and they’ll get out of there. With a smirk on his face. Ashley doesn’t know how he’s going to tell Claire. He lies and tells Claire he had it done and feels guilty after she thanks him for going through with it.

Norris’ daily rant: junk-mail hypocracy. Ramsay continues to rub the trainers in Norris’ face. We get it. He likes the trainers that YOU bought him. Get over it Ramsay, you’re annoying now! Emily could take a shower in Ramsay’s sweat though, that’s how in love with him she is.

Ramsay’s slang word-of-the-day: chill. Oh, he’s bloody cringe-inducing sometimes. Frida thinks the same thing and admits to Norris that Ramsay gets on her nerves. Ramsay makes Frida feel patronized. That’s it! That’s the word I was searching for. Ramsay is patronizing. Norris and Frida spend the day making fun of Ramsay. Loved Norris “signing” a gun to his head with the thought of having a drink with Ramsay and co. later.

Well, it seems that Graeme has found someone to banter with in Roy Cropper. The universe is full of many different paths on many different journeys, and every so often, some of those paths intersect in a moment true perfect alignment. That’s what I felt I was experiencing watching Grame and Roy go on about cocoa.

Joe finds another moment to pester Graeme for his precious pills. Graeme says he can get him some for 50 quid. Joe is upset that his drug habit is turning out to be costly. Really? A costly drug habit? You don’t say… Oh, now the man attempts to grub money of his CHILD for drugs! For shame! He later found a more abundant (and unguarded) resource for cash in the form of Gail’s pocketbook. How can anyone honestly like this guy anymore now? First he treats Gail like garbage, uses her, now steals her money to buy drugs? He’s bad news bears. I wonder who’ll get the rap for stealing that money now? Speak of the David, he walks into the pub and notices strange tension between Graeme and Joe. How long until he exploits Joe’s problem for his own gain? Graeme tells David about him dealing prescription drugs to Joe. David just eats it up.

At the gym, Sean finds Leon talking to Jason and trying to get him to come out for a game with him sometime and quickly intervenes. How soon before he entangles himself in this web of lies? Jason is none-the-wiser, of course. Uh, oh. Looks like Jason had invited Leon to the Rovers without Sean knowing. Oh, I can already smell the poop hitting the fan, and its bad. Leon figures just that Sean is just weird and full of it. Leon spots Jason kissing Tina, and Sean points out that Tina is his “beard.” lol. Sean’s having a hard time convincing Leon that Eileen is a Jehoovah’s Witness after meeting her. Gambling, drinking, the lot. Leon accuses Eileen of being a hypocrite!

Disturbia: Thu July 23, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

July 23 2009

Written by Debbie Oates, directed by Dominic LeClerc.

Open to Claire in hospital, again. Ashley brings every item that Claire owns to the hospital for her. A blow-dryer is really useful in hospital. One must always keep up with one’s personal appearance, even under duress. Honestly! It’s almost like he’s packed up all of her things and has taken them out of the house… Claire makes Ashley promise that he’ll have his vasectomy as soon as possible. He settles for them discussing their options as soon as they get out of there.

Later, Ashley gets a call from the hospital that Claire has disappeared off the ward. *groan* Oh, no, what now? This is going to be so sad. Good lord, Lloyd and Ashley drive up to the hospital only to find Claire standing on the roof of the building looking forlornly into the skies. Ashley runs up to the roof. Claire says the air must be thinner up there, since it’s harder to breathe. She’s looking, that’s all. Claire is a deeply disturbed woman. When are they going to lock her up and throw away the script? Ashley tries to coax her back inside. Claire reflects that there’s so many people in the city and they’re all getting on with their lives, and mostly, they’re dying. Ashley is just freaking out, but Claire insists she just needed some fresh air. She asks Ashley to just sit with her. Claire blames herself for miscarrying and thinks that the baby must have realized she didn’t want it, so it took off. Claire is more upset that she doesn’t “feel” anything, and she thinks she should. She feels shamed for not feeling bad about losing her baby. Claire says she gets terrible anxiety even thinking about another pregnancy. Claire’s afraid of being crazy again just like after Freddie. It doesn’t seem to me she ever stopped being crazy! Claire is still haunted by her post-natal depression. Okay, I get that. But, why do WE have to re-live it all? Old news. She is a real Debbie Downer! Uh oh, looks like the police have arrived to bring her down formally. Ashley makes an excuse for Claire telling the police that it was his fault, they needed some privacy to talk and it was the only place available. Ashley mans-up and tells Claire he’ll get the vasectomy. Claire gets her way, once again.

Joe argues on the phone to Len about work-related mishaps. Joe begs Graeme for more fancy-pills. Graeme turns him down, no chance whatsoever. Poor desperate Joe. Joe finds Graeme again and begs. He’s vigorously stroking Graeme’s arm when he begs. Ugh, this is really making me feel uncomfortable. It makes you wonder just how desperate he is… Creepy! Please, please, please, I’m desperated utters Joe to Graeme. Graeme caves to Joe, but makes no promises.

At Underworld, Rosie tells Luke all about these amazing designs she has in her head, only she can’t draw, so what ever will she do? Rosie decides to create a “mood board” to relay her design ideas. I wonder where she figured out how to do that? She presents her mood board and Luke tells her they’ll make a sample. Rosie is elated at this news, Tony is deflated. If looks could kill. Oh wait, the just might. Tony looks on Luke with shame, but Luke throws Maria in Tony’s face. Enough said.

Maria brings Baby-Liam over to the factory for a visit. Julie is in love with Baby-Liam and asks Sean if he’d like to hold him. Sean says he’s drawn a line at the “baby-thing.” Wow, is this alluding to his OWN baby that has since been forgotten? Maria moans to Tony about her over-bearing mother-in-law. Tony’s more than happy to be Maria’s emotional punching-bag.

Tony comes to Maria’s rescue again by sending off her in-laws to lunch for the day and has brought over take-out too. If only he weren’t a murderer. Tony and Maria are enjoying their lunch together like the best of friends.

Maria later breaks the news to her in-laws that Baby-Liam will be christened, but not as a Catholic since Maria isn’t Catholic. The in-laws aren’t happy about that, since Liam was Catholic. Barry tells Maria to go out and get some fresh air, she can leave the baby with them. I wouldn’t! I’d be afraid I’d come back and them and my baby would be gone! Helen is a little too “Hand that Rocks the Cradle” for me. When Maria’s gone, Helen remarks that their marriage wouldn’t have lasted had Liam been alive. Ouch!

Maria goes over to Underworld and tells Tony she needs a break, so Tony coaxes her into a drink at the Rovers.

Norris is vigorously slicing up his loafers with a screw-driver when Frida comes in! I’m sure this just makes Norris’ day! Oh, I see, he’s pretending his old shoes are damaged, thus giving him a reason to wear Ramsay’s trainers. How sly. Ramsay and Emily come in and, apparently Ramsay knows sign language! Well so do I because when I was in school I was in the sign-language choir. It’s not because I didn’t make it into the regular choir, it’s because I found that signing words from popular songs was simply a more cultured activity for an 8 year old. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Moving on, Frida shows Emily her engagement ring. I use the terms “engagement” and “ring” loosely. It’s a black plastic heart-shaped gem that looks like it came out of a cracker-jack box. Makes Fiz’s engagement ring look top-shelf. Frida says her fiance told her that the ring is temporary. Oh, that’s what they all say, then you find yourself buried in it. Frida asks Emily if Ramsay is her fella. Emily says he’s just Norris’ brother. Mmm, hmm.

Hrmm, so it seems that Frida hasn’t actually met her fiance. They’ve been online romancing, and apparently he’s saving up airfare to come next year. Uh, huh. OH! He’s in PRISON! That explains it all! Maybe Fiz should inform her that getting married in prison is a valid option she and her fiance could consider. I should pull this entire scene on my mother, if I didn’t love her so much. Oh, apparently Frida’s fiance is in prison because he’s been arrested for activism! He believes in freedom. Yeah, freedom of items from an electronics shop no doubt! Ramsay had gone to Freshco’s and bought their entire herbal tea selection for Frida. Norris comes in with a fib about his shoes being unrepairable, telling the gang that he therefore has no choice by the wear the trainers. Oh, this ruse is just too much!

Agony: Mon July 20, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

July 20 2009

Written by Jonathan Harvey, directed by Dominic LeClerc.

Open with Claire in hospital attached to a whole lot of machines and Ashley sick with worry in the waiting room looking at mobile photos of Claire. Perhaps wondering if he’ll ever receive a call from her again?

Eileen brings Josh to join Ashley in the hospital and apologizes for the rude messages she left for Claire. In Claire’s room, buzzers start beeping and Ashley is summoned out of Claire’s room as doctors march in. All has settled, and the nurse brings Ashley a chair in to sit next to Claire, telling him it “could be days.” Oh please no, not more days of this.

Thank god, she speaks! Claire regains consciousness and wants to know what happens. Now Ashley has the burden of telling her that she lost a baby she didn’t know she had. Couldn’t he have offered her some pudding first or something? She just regained consciousness! It’s like when you go into work in the morning and people start demanding things from you before you’ve even put your purse down yet. Exactly the same.

Ashley talks to Claire about the fact that they could be expecting their third child, if this hadn’t happened. Claire says she needs rest, but her eyes say there’s more to the pregnancy story that she’s not said. Claire admits to Ashley that she’s glad she lost the baby and that she never wants to be pregnant again. She tells him that he has to get a vasectomy. Snip, snip, crack that whip!

Deirdre and Ken discuss how nice and “nutty” their new breakfast cereal. Well, it is called “Nutty Flakes.” I’m not surprised that Deirdre enjoys it so. Peter is still whining about the shame of going to AA meetings. Get over it! Ken suggests that he tag along with him. Oh that’ll make it much less shameful and embarrassing, Daddy forcing you to go. Peter tells him to butt out. Ken says he doesn’t want any member of his family suffering alone. Oh, yes, tandem suffering is much more preferable for all involved.

Deirdre happily volunteers to suffer alongside them at the AA meeting, however she has an appointment to see her boss. That’s enough suffering for one day. Deirdre thinks she may be getting a promotion at work, but it turns out that she might be laid off, and she has to reapply for a newly made position. When Deirdre opened her fortune cookie and read “little and often makes much”, she may have misinterpreted it.

Bonus for Peter, now Deirdre is free to come to his AA meeting with them. Blanche has decided to join too. It’s like Christmas and his birthday all in one! At the AA meeting, the Barlow-clan listens to a man with the most obscene amount of dirt underneath his fingernails talk about his addiction story. Blanche grows impatient and asks him if he’s done and if he talked even more when he was tanked-up? She then proceeds to ask him if there’s a correlation to how boring he is and how much he drinks. Oh, boy. One woman, Melanie, says that the man’s story was illuminating. Blanche responded that Melanie needed to get out more. Once Melanie tried Bingo, she might just hyperventilate. Oh, classic Blanche this evening. Ken tries to support Peter and brings up how important trust is. Deirdre throws that back in his face, and Blanche tells everyone and sundry about Ken’s recent affair. Well, they’ve managed to turn the AA Meeting into the Blanche & Deirdre Show. What was that about not suffering alone again, Ken?

Oh, thank the lord for he has answered my prayers! Blanche Hunt is finally back on my little tele-box. Earlier Blanche moaned about how ridiculous the questions they ask are on the phone-in-quizzes on a particular show. She put her foot down and refused to give them her money. Ken reminded her that she doesn’t pay for the phone bill. Blanche promptly took that same foot up off the floor and over to the phone to dial in.

Seems that Grandparents-Connor are still taking up residency at Maria’s. According to Gran-Connor, she saw on the tele that house pets “turn” and go savage on babies all the time. As my mother would say: if she saw it on TV, it must be true. Looks like Grandparents-Connor have outstayed their welcome. So what does Maria do? She goes to the top of the roof and turns on the bat-signal to summon Psychoman. No, I’m just kidding, she calls Psychoman on the phone. He’s just like regular-folk. In a snug figure flattering outfit, Tony comes to Maria’s rescue and bundles her and her baby into the car and drives as far away as humanely possible.

Wow, Grandparents-Connor try to track Maria down at the local pub and Natasha informs them of just where she is and with whom. Brass-knickers! Grandparents-Connor return to find Tony feeding their grandson and ask Maria where she’s been all day. They went to register the baby’s birth. I can’t bring myself to describe of even encompass the levels of weird involved in a scene where Tony sits around comfortably with the parents, widow and baby of the man he murdered. I’m sorry, but it’s going to take a lot more than one shirtless scene for me to get over the fact that he’s a murderer. Maybe two shirtless scenes. Make it three, I have principles after all.

Tony leaves, and the poop hits the fan when Gran-Connor accuses Maria of neglecting her baby to spend time with Tony. Maria calls her a stupid woman and insists that her and Tony are mates only. Gran-Connor retorts by calling Maria a tart. Wow, ladies this isn’t very lady-like. Gran-Connor apologizes, but Maria looks like her head’s going to blow.

Norris looks like he’s got severe bunion fever. Oh, I can’t stand seeing people in chronic pain! It’s extremely irritating. I also can’t stand listening to chronic coughing. I know you can’t help it but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s irritating me. If you’re too sick to do your regular activities without interruption from your ailment, then do yourself (and the rest of us) a favour and stay home! This means you, Norris Cole. Norris took this advice, and is on the couch resting his bunions. Ramsay encourages Norris to take the trainers back and tells him he looks in agony. Norris tells Ramsay that that’s just how he looks. Ha ha. When the cat is away, the mouse will play. Once Ramsay and Emily leave for the Rovers, Norris finds the trainers and glides those bad-boys over his bunions and *poof* he’s on cloud 9.

Julie is looking as mod as ever. It seems she’s still resuming her “life coaching” duties with Sean. Sean tells her about Leon, mystery-gym man. He says he’s gone over to the gym numerous times looking for him, but couldn’t find him again. O.M.G. exlaims Julie as she tells Sean that she thinks Leon was SO coming on to him. Life Coach = Sycophant.

Sean decides to go back to the gym to look for Leon on Julie’s encouragement. Ooh, Sean is in luck, and so are we. In pretty much a re-inactment of the last jacuzzi scene, Leon saunters over to the jacuzzi that Sean has been pruning in all day in anticipation for this very moment. Oh Sean! He fake-cries, and fibs about Jason dumping him. Had to go for the ‘ole pity-the-fool routine, didn’t he? Oh, he just weaves his web of lies even more so telling Leon that Eileen is a religious Jehooovah’s Witness, a lesser-known branch of the popular Jehovah’s Witness religion. As Leon tries to make his swift escape, Sean tries to tie him into going for drinks, but Leon says he’s got football that night. Sean tries to get him the next night, but Leon says he’ll just facebook-him. So Facebook is the new rejection is it? I’ll keep that in mind…

Sean asks Jesse, Eileen and Julie to answer him honestly; Is he camp? The answers: Nooo…, Welll…, and Extremely, respectively. Eileen and Jesse’s relationship is coming along swimmingly. Julie refers to Jesse as Eileen’s boyfriend. Jesse noted that she didn’t even flinch when hearing that. Oh, Eileen’s smitten! So nice to see ’cause I love Eileen, me. See, Julie’s not the only person who likes to rhyme.

Collapse: Fri July 17, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

July 17 2009

Written by Julie Jones, directed by Ian Bevitt.

Over at Dev’s shop, Amber’s back! Yay! Sally tells Umed and Amber that she read somewhere that half the human body was made of water. Sally wonders how strange it’d be if you had one eye made of “eye” and the other eye made of water. Wha??? Umed continues to rip off Dev’s customers. Darryl comes in and confronts Umed about telling porkies over selling him toilet rolls due to a treaty that had nothing to do with a toilet roll crisis and demands a refund. Dev finds out that Umed’s been ripping off more customers and is not happy about it. Dev puts his foot down that Umed cannot over charge his customers again. Umed says he’s got it. I don’t think he’s got it.

Molly and Tyrone take off in a cab for their vacation. Mollys’ face is a picture staring down Kevin as she leaves. I can’t even look at her!

Jack once again asks Connie if they can go to her house to find his pigeon. Connie gives in and tells him to get his coat on. Connie brings Jack up to a large gated home and tells him it’s her house. Jack is stunned. Connie says she doesn’t like rattling around the big house alone so that’s why she stays with her sister. Ooh, she’s even got a billiards table! Jack says he can’t get over the fact that he was stepping out with a woman of means. That’s what all the guys that I date tell me. Pfft. Connie says she’s just an ordinary working girl, she’s always felt wrong having money. Sure enough, Jack spots the aptly named Scarlett. Back at Jack’s, Connie tells him it’s funny how Scarlett keeps turning up at her place, and reminds him that Scarlett was the reason they met in the first place. Connie tells Jack that he could spend time there if he fancied. She wouldn’t feel so lonely with him there. She’s planting the seed. Jack says it’d be good to give Tyrone and Molly their space and considers it.

Norris’s feet are still on their sabbatical in bunyon county. Why doesn’t he just take an anti-inflammatory and shut up about it? Rita hands over the trainers from Ramsay and tells Norris they’re from her. Norris slides those babies on and walks around like he’s on cloud 9. He say’s he’s in heaven. Rita mutters “I wish” under her breath. Wow, he really loves those trainers. He’s even doing plies in them! Ramsay sees that Norris enjoys the trainers and tells Rita Norris must be grateful to have a wonderful friend like her to give him those as a gift. Well, now he’s plain old making a mockery out of Norris! Emily tells Norris and Rita that her niece Freda is coming for a visit, and she’s engaged.

Norris later gives his trainers back to Rita because he found out they cost more than she said and therefore she must be lying and suspects Ramsay. Ramsay admits that he got Norris the trainers. Norris tells him he can take his shoes and shove em up…well, you know. Foiled again Ramsay!

The registry’s all booked up, so Becky’s dreams of being a summer bride have been crushed. Slug comes into the bar when Becky and Sean are cleaning. Slug and Becky start playfully slapping each other around with rubber gloves and head into the back. Sean’s thinking what I’m thinking = innappropriate! Becky and Slug are relaxing on the sofa in the back having a cuppa. Becky tells Slug that she’s got a good thing going there with Steve and she’s not going to screw it up. Slug sees how domesticated Becky has become and tells her it’s not her, it’s someone dull and boring. Becky tells Slug how she’s turned a new leaf, since Roy and Hayley loved her for who she was. He tells her that he loved her for who she was, and that you never forget your first love. He tells her he never loved anyone as much as he loved her and he wants her back. Wow. I guess I was expecting that, but still shocked to hear him say it. Becky said that they two of them were a train wreck, and it was the wrong sort of love. Slug doesn’t look happy to hear that. She tells Slug that her and Steve are rock-solid. Becky leaves the room and Slug takes the opportunity to slip something into her purse. Oh, no, what now? That slimy slug! Steve sees Slug flirting all over Becky and runs over to give him a piece of his mind. This causes Steve and Becky to get into a spat as well. Steve apologizes. Becky says she doesn’t fancy him. But she obviously likes the attention. All is forgiven, because Becky likes it when he gets jealous.

DC Hooch drives up and tells Slug to get in the car. It’s a set-up! Slug tells DC Hooch that he did what he said and to leave him alone. I guess DC Hooch forced Slug into setting up Becky. Maybe slug really did care about Becky. That DC Hooch is sumthin’ else! Slug high-tails it out of the street while DC Hooch overlooks Becky and Steve kissing outside the Rovers.

Ashley spent the night at Peter’s. Over at No. 13 Graeme looks cosy eating his cereal at Claire’s kitchen table like they’re bezzie mates. Ashley once again isn’t happy to see Graeme in his house. Ashley tells that he’s the boss, and to get to the shop. Graeme advises that Ashley give Claire some space.

It seems that Claire has locked Ashley out of the house. That’s a bit much. Claire is inside trashing daddy to baby Freddy and ironing at the same time when she bends over and gets a sharp pain in her gut. She gasps her mid-section and falls to the floor unconcious with the iron still on and her young child on the couch. Her timing is terrible.

Eileen isn’t happy Claire isn’t at work, and calls her at home to tell her so. Lloyd decides to nip around to Claire’s to see where she is. Lloyd gets no answer at the door so he looks in the window and sees Claire collapsed on the floor. Lloyd heroically kicks in the door and calls an ambulance. The little boy who plays Freddie is just adorable! Ashley runs when he sees Claire in an ambulance unconcious.

At the hospital, Ashley is worried about Claire and blames himself thinking she hurt herself on purpose. The doctor tells Ashley that Claire has a blood clot on her lungs. He also tells Ashley that Claire was pregnant, to which Ashley was NOT aware of. Unfortunately, due to the clot, Claire miscarried the baby. Claire is going into surgery to remove the clot. They say they’ll do all they can to make sure Claire pulls through. Obviously, this devastates Ashley and leaves him sobbing Peter’s arms. Poor Claire and Ashley! Haven’t they been through enough?

Wow, this was a killer episode and really made up for Wednesday’s! We had price scamming, secret riches, betrayal, unrequited love, a set-up, jealousy, a fight between spouses, a collapse, a rescue, an unknown pregnancy, a miscarriage, a blood clot and a surgery! Well done Corrie. Can’t wait to see what’s left for us on Monday!

Whipped: Wed July 15, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

July 15 2009

Written by Lucy Gannon, directed by Ian Bevit.

I like Claire’s watering-can wallpaper, it’s kind of cute. Claire’s so annoying to watch lately. Nag, nag, nag, If Molly and Tyrone are the new Jack and Vera, then Ashley and Claire are the new Ken and Deirdre. Claire’s hair looks great though. Claire wants both the vacation and the backyard done up now.

Lloyd invites Ashley around for a guy’s pub-crawl later on. Graeme is insulted he wasn’t invited. Ashley says he’ll be there. Gee, what will Claire say to that? I’ll give you three guesses, first two don’t count. Ashley’s says he’s not a kid who needs permission, he’s his own man. Uh huh. Claire shuts down Ashley’s plans. Sounds like it’s going to be an early night of drinking for Ashley, home by 8. Ashley looks just stressed to the brim!

At their happy-two-hours in the Rovers, Lloyd worries about why Liz hasn’t returned from Spain yet, worried she’s playing away I’m sure. The guys decide not to talk about women for the rest of the night. Ashley’s too busy being drunk and playing darts to answer his phone, when he knows it’s Claire calling. Claire shows up at the pub and has it out with Ashley for not coming home. She really lets him have it, this is very embarassing. You know, in pre-marital training they say that a couple who fights with one another in public doesn’t have respect for one another. I’m only saying. Betty compares Claire and Ashley to Jack and Very back-in-the-day, only that Jack used to fight back. Ashley is so whipped!

Norris complains about a bunion on his foot. It seems that Emily has invited Ramsay around for breakfast. That sounds merry. Ramsay comes back into the store later and shows Rita some cushy trainers that he’s gotten for Norris. Oh, those’ll compliment his slacks and sweater vest combo real nice. Knowing Norris won’t ever accept a gift from him, he tells Rita to say they’re from her and Emily. Rita wonders why Ramsay continues to bang his head against a brick wall. So do I.

Kevin thinks he can afford to pay Tyrone more after looking at the books. Sally disagrees. Those all-knowing, all-holding books. Now that I think of it, keeping your records in books like that is so turn-of-the-century. Why don’t they get a computer? I guess I can’t see Kevin Webster mastering accounting software or taking a spreadsheet 101 course. Own question answered. At least we’ve been spared this episode of having to watch any nausea-inducing scenes between Molly and Kevin. We all needed a holiday to Tenerife.

It seems Ben stood Sophie up when they were supposed to meet. Sophie, Ryan and Sian were getting ready to go to a gig and Ben was supposed to come with them. Ben shows up ready to go and Sophie gives it to him for standing her up the other day. Sophie wants an apology, but Ben won’t give her one, since “she started it.” Ah, highschool romance. Ben says that Sophie’s so wrapped up in competing with Rosie that she’ll do anything to be different, including getting baptised. Sophie isn’t having that and kicks Ben out telling him he’s dumped! Ben opens the door and tells her she was dumped last week, he just didn’t get around to telling her. Wow, what a self-righteous, narcissistic, unforgiving jerk! She’s better off alone! (or with Chesney, Chesney+Sophie=Forever) At least she’ll always have Jesus, and Sally.

Jack’s pigeon Scarlett still hasn’t come home yet, so he insists they go to Connie’s to find her. Jack asks Connie what’s up with her secrecy over her living quarters. Connie makes an excuse that where she lives is nowhere very exciting. You’ve got me curious.
Fiz is getting her hair sucked into a diffuser by Natasha at the salon, when they start talking about celebrity weddings and weddings in general. Natasha goes on about the crappy weddings she’s heard of people having such as in a registry office, or a hospital. Fiz starts to tear up, because getting married in a prison is clearly the worse than those. She actually breaks down and tells Natasha she’s getting married in prision. Natasha tells Fiz she thinks it’s romantic, getting married in prison. What?! Even Fiz thinks it’s strange that Natasha doesn’t think she’s nuts for getting married to John in prison. Natasha says she hears all sorts of things being a hairdresser and nothing shocks her. Besides, she wants to do Fiz’s hair for the wedding. That Natasha is two ants short of a picnic.

This episode was rather uneventful besides Ben and Sophie dumping each other. Yawn, I’m hoping for more drama on Friday.