Written by Simon Crowther (7:30) and Chris Fewtrell (8:30), directed by Tim Dowd.
Apparently Molly and Tyrone are having a great time topless-bathing on their holiday. If anyone cares, besides Kevin. Kevin lets it on to Chesney that he knows it was him who took Rosie’s car. Chesney apologizes. Kevin tells Chesney that Fiz took the rap for him. Kevin brings Chesney around to apologize to his ladies for stealing Rosie’s car. Sally thinks they should let Rosie decide what to do with Chesney. Oh, gawd. Kevin tells them to leave Rosie to him. Sally Webster has grown a taste for Sushi, now that Luke Strong has sushi for his lunch. Sophie remarks on how impressionable she is.
Rosie is far too busy raking Luke over the coals about Michelle. If he’s using her for money, he’s earned every penny. Tony overhears them and jokes with Rosie that if Luke’s teasing her, he’ll have him dispensed of. Not so funny to us, is it? Tony calls The Rovers, or Coronation Street, the “Village of the Damned.” Oh, that was an awful movie! Tony calls Maria to check up on her and is excited to hear she’s coming back tomorrow. Too soon for me. Tony rudely asks Michelle whether or not she knew Maria was coming back tomorrow. Michelle says she’s barely spoken to her and has no idea. Tony tells her that Maria says she has something important to announce. Tony has decided he will do shopping so Maria comes home to a stocked fridge. This upsets Michelle since she has Luke over and doesn’t want Tony swanning in with shopping bags half-way through. Michelle doesn’t really buy Tony’s whole good samaritan crap.
Luke asks Michelle if she’d like to share some of cans with him. Beer cans, that is. Rosie calls Luke back and apologizes and wants to see him. Graeme overhears her phone conversation and tells her that if she’s ever hard-up for company, he’s available. Rosie informs him that she’ll never be that hard up. Oh just wait Rosie, until the “good years” are over and you’re saddled with an extra 20 pounds and an extra 20 ex’s. Then you’ll really know the meaning of hard-up.
Over at Michelle’s, Luke tells Michelle that Rosie’s no woman, she’s a girl. Michelle remarks that Rosie looks pretty “well-developed” to her. Luke says he likes to get all philosophical after a few, and Rosie’s intellect just doesn’t cut it. LOL. Okay, Aristotle. He compares Rosie’s company to a dead crustacean. Well, if we’re talking about beer-battered shrimp here, I think the dead crustacean wins hands-down. Yeah, Rosie’s a little girl, unlike the little boy that is hiding from her with the big bad milf. Luke bids Michelle goodbye outside her door. Luke tells Michelle he doesn’t want to be “just a mate” and they lean in for a kiss, only to be interrupted by Rosie Webster telling Michelle to get her hands off Luke. Rosie asks Michelle if she honestly thinks that Luke would look twice at an old slapper like her when he’s got her on tap. Michelle tells her that the whole street’s got her on tap, that she should have her own pump at the Rover’s. OH! Rosie lurches forward to smack Michelle one, but hits Luke when he gets in between them. Luke just loves being fought over. Women just love fighting over men, but it’s always such a boobie prize. Tony shows up and tells them to get away from Maria’s house. Luke takes Rosie away, and Tony chastises Michelle for bringing stress around Maria’s place. He then tells her that he trusts she’ll be moving on soon. Wow. Michelle tells him that she’s looking for a place, but not that it’s any business of his and asks where he gets off giving her her marching orders! Michelle tells Tony that she’s that baby’s auntie and he’s nothing to him and he never will be. Scathing!
Pam wants to get served at the Rovers, but Sean is nowhere to be found so she tells Bill to look for him in the mensroom. Bill says “I’m not checkin’ toilets for bar-men.” LOL. Pam and Bill witter on about Carly Simon.
It seems as though Chesney’s warming Gary’s chair at the Windasses. He really is Gary 2.0! Is this like when you had a dog, but the dog died, so you just get another dog that looks exactly the same, to replace him? Those Windasses, some strange folk I tell ya. Anna goes over and tells Fiz that Chesney has been seeking solace with them. Fiz is so grateful to Anna for helping her Chesney out. Anna is worried about Chesney’s future since he mirrors Gary’s life and tells Fiz she and Chesney need to work things out. Anna brings Fiz over to her house to make a truce with Chesney. Chesney says he just can’t go back to live with Fiz. He’d rather be on the streets. Anna offers up Gary’s old room for Chesney to occupy, pending that he work things out with Fiz.
Crazy Joe is sat in his van, music on high, Medical Centre keys in his hand. He tosses the idea, and drives off the street with Gail hollering “Joe!” after him. Gail tells Audrey what happened at home, but Audrey couldn’t give a care.
Meanwhile, Joe is crying his guts out in his van thinking about what a desperate failure he is and how his life has come to this. Oh, it’s almost too depressing for words. Almost. I’ve detested the character of Joe, but Reece Dinsdale is a good actor. Joe waits until the coast is clear to break into the Medical Center. The moron realizes there’s an alarm and he doesn’t have the code. Next bright idea: bang on the box until the sirens go off. Joe walks out of the place and goes back in with a crowbar and sledgehammer from the back of his truck. This just went from bad to worse. Joe sledgehammers the alarm box console in. The alarm doesn’t stop thought. Joe is pills scrambling, but can’t find what he needs. He’s gone completely nutters!
Audrey thinks Gail should ditch Joe and find someone “normal.” LOL. Gail says that’s not what she wants. Nope, she wants some good ole crazy. Gail asks her mum if she thinks she’s a mug. Audrey tells her the only thing she’s missing is a handle. LOL. In more ways than one! Gail and Audrey hear an alarm going off, and Gail thinks it might be from the Medical Center. Gail checks outside and realizes it was the Medical Center, so she searches for her keys but thinks she’s been robbed as her keys are missing. Gail’s stomach sinks as she puts two and two together. Gail walks into the Medical Center to find it completely trashed and Joe standing there with a sledgehammer and tears streaming down is face. The police arrive and arrest Joe. Len convenietely shows up at that moment outside the Medical Center. Joe’s final words: “I had a bad back. A bad back!”
It’s auction-day and Eileen and Tina are horsing around causing Jason to become very anxious. Eileen has been holding her “wee” for a long time until 12 Coronation Street comes up. Jason and Tina are at their limit and risk losing the house, so Jason makes an executive decision and over-bids on the house for a total of 54,750 pounds. Eileen arrives back from the loo at that moment with a lock of shock on her face. Tina comes back from from her happy-day only to find her father being dragged out by police. Graeme’s afraid of Joe doing him and David in for selling him drugs.
Later, David admits to Audrey that he knew that Joe had a drug problem. David tells Audrey that he saw Joe scoring pills of a dealer because Joe’s GP got suspicious and stopped prescribing. David says Joe begged him not to tell anyone and that Joe said he was quitting. He tells her how he caught Joe stealing cash from his mum’s purse, and how he stole Joe’s pills and rationed them for him. Audrey second-guesses David’s motives. David said he just wanted to protect Tina, but he couldn’t manage Joe. David said he feels this is all his fault, but Audrey tells him it’s not. Both Audrey and David agree that Joe needs to be sent packing.
Gail, Tina and Jason are sat in the Weatherfield Police Station waiting room. Joe comes out after being charged and bailed and addressed a hearing. Gail looks as though she’s aged about 10 years from the beginning to end of this very episode alone.
Joe tells Tina how ashamed he felt having her watch him get arrested. Tina tells him that he’s still her dad. Joe says he feels like such an embarassment. This is such an emotional moment.