Send Off: Fri Sept 18, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

September 18 2009

Written by Jayne Hollinson (7:30) & Peter Whalley (8:30), directed by John Anderson.

Sally tells Sophie that she’s made sure that Rosie sticks around to keep any eye on things.  Sophie tells her she must be joking, as the only thing Rosie keeps her eye on his her reflection.  Oh, zing!  Sally tells her they can keep an eye on each other then.

Tyrone’s pulled some boxes out of the loft for Jack.  Now the loft is empty.  Jack tells Tyrone to keep it that way, and the next time he decides to put something up there, don’t – chuck it out.  That’s some VERY good advice folks.  Don’t horde!

At the store, Molly tells Kevin that she has to cancel their rendez-vous because of Jack’s going-away drink.  Molly gives Kevin a sickeningly flirtatious call.  Later, at a seedy hotel, Kevin and Molly are ripping off each others clothes off, and snogging each other’s faces off.  Snug in bed later, Molly eyes the clock and it reads 1 O’clock, but she pulls the sheet back over her head and snuggles back in.

Meanwhile, Sally marches into the garage and demands of Tyrone to know where Kevin is.  Tyrone tells her that Kevin’s out on a call.  Sally says that they’ve got a plane to catch, and asks why Tyrone couldn’t have gone.  Tyrone claims that he offered.

Jack is gathering his things, and Tyrone is upset that Molly isn’t back yet for Jack’s send off.  Jack reflects on his time at The Old Rectory.  Tyrone reminds him that he doesn’t have to leave.  Jack says that he does, it’s time.  Jack’s life goes in one direction – forward.  Jack says he knows that he’s left his home in good hands.  Poor teary Tyrone.  He’s really a sweetheart.

Molly and Kevin finally awake to Tyrone calling Molly’s phone.  Kevin realizes it’s almost 2pm and asks Molly why she didn’t tell him.  She lies and says she didn’t know.  Molly’s trying to sabotage Kev’s holiday.  Uh oh, Kevin’s truck has broken down and Molly and Kevin are freaking out about their deadline and start arguing about who’s fault this is.

Jack wants to take Vera’s ashes with him, but was nervous about what Connie might think.  Connie thinks he should bring them, no question asked.

Sally is in full panic mode, and has finally realized that Kevin isn’t showing up, so has decided to unpack.  Sophie assures her that Kevin will be there.  Sally tells her daughter that sometimes the longer you’re with someone, the less you know what’s going on in their head.  Sally rarely says anything true or profound, but that was both.

Kev and Molly finally get the truck going and back on the street.  Kevin finally returns home and Sally rips him a new one and tells him to clean himself up.  Molly arrives at the Rovers and gives Jack and Connie her apologizes for being tardy.  Emily and Rita stop by Jack’s table and wish him good will on his move.  Connie mentions that they’ll invite the two of them over some time.  Tarrah!

Well, it’s Jack’s send off, and Tyrone couldn’t be more miserable.  After Jack leaves Molly accuses Tyrone of giving her attitude and wants to know what it’s about.  Tyrone says he’s sick of her always being miserable and blaming him for things.  Tyrone threatens that she better start making some changes or Jack won’t be the only one leaving.  Wow!  Tyrone finally grew a pair!  Although, he doesn’t look very sure of it.

Norris tells Rita he’ll be doing a eulogy for Ramsay after all.  Only, he doesn’t even want to call it a eulogy, he calls it a “few polite words.”  Rita asks why he has to be so ungracious.  Because he’s an ungracious twit, that’s why.  Is Rita new here?  Blanche arrives to say she’s come to show her support.  Then promptly asks if there will be any food afterwards.

The hurse arrives and Blanche asks if they went with solid oak or oak veneer.  Norris comes out of the house and looks horrified upon seeing the hurse filled with flowers.  Norris freaks out and tells them to go without him.  He’s not going, he has no right since he barely knew the man.  Emily tells Norris that surely he can’t turn his back on Ramsay in death too.  Oh, but he can.  Rita says to Norris that if he can’t go to the funeral for Ramsay, maybe he can go for Emily.

Looks like there’s a good turnout at Norris’s funeral.  Who was it that said that even the number of people who attend your funeral will depend on the weather?  I can’t remember, but it was a nice day for Ramsay’s funeral, that’s for certain.  Norris accuses Blanche of only being at Ramsay’s funeral for the food, but she says she actually really liked the man and has nothing bad to say about him.  Well, except for the fact that Norris was his brother.  Oh, Blanche and I were cut from the same cloth, I tell ya.

At the Rover’s later, the ladies tell Norris how good his eulogy for Ramsay was.  Emily doesn’t let Norris forget, however, that he only went to the funeral because they shamed him into it.

Rita thinks about her own life after the funeral and thinks that it’s time she retires.  She doesn’t want to spend time behind that counter for the rest of her life.  Norris thinks that she’s just bereft and she doesn’t know what she’s saying.  Rita is adamant that she’s going to retire.  Poor Emily has to retire to her room after the day’s proceedings.

Peter has to tell Simon that Leanne is leaving and going back to Leeds.  Peter brings Simon over to Janice’s to try to get into Leanne’s good graces.  Leanne asks Janice to take Simon for a milkshake so her and Peter can have a word.  Peter attempts his best grovelling to an on-the-fence Leanne.  Peter tells Leanne that he wants to settle down, and she is the one he wants to settle for.  I mean, with.  Leanne is still hesitant, seeing as Peter’s a big fat liar.

Well, looks like it didn’t go so well, because Peter returns to the shop and tells Simon that it looks like it’s just going to be them from now on.  Leanne comes into the shop and tells Peter she’s going to go off and have a good life.  With him.  Oh, we knew she’d come ‘round!  Peter jumps over the table, embraces Leanne and tells her he loves her.  Leanne admits to Peter that she finished with her boyfriend a long time ago.  Peter points out that he’s not the only one who tells porkies.  Simon is delighted to hear that Leanne is staying: family hugs!

And just like that, Leanne settles into the bookies flat like she’d lived there her entire life.  Leanne reckons that all she needs now is a job.  Peter offers her a job at the bookies, but she declines saying she doesn’t want to be around him ALL the time.  Good decision, Leanne.  And just like that, Steve calls Leanne and asks if she’ll do a couple of weeks at the Rovers.  She doesn’t want to work there, but she thinks about it.

Leanne confides in Peter that she might be having seconds thoughts and asks him if she’s made a mistake by getting back with him.  Peter swears he’ll make it work.

It’s the big day, and Amber is off to university in London.  Dev looking the proud parent sending her off with a tearful hug.  There she goes, off the street in a cab but not without staring at the kebab shop as she passes by and sobbing into a tissue.

Lloyd comes up with a cracking plan to help out Eileen.  Lloyd, Claire and Steve show up at Eileen’s with a bunch of old electronics.  What are they up to?  Eileen is less than grateful for her friend’s efforts.  Eileen tells them that they can go gather ‘round someone else and take their worthless junk with them.  Ouch!  Eileen’s VERY prickly lately.  Ever since Jesse moved in.  Well, Lloyd, Claire and Steve come back with Eileen’s real gift – a 32” plasma tv!  Eileen eats her last words and gives them a teary thank-you.  Jesse asks if there’s a dvd player with it.  He’s sumthin’ else!

Compulsive Scumbag: Thu Sept 17, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

September 17 2009

Written by Martin Allen, directed by John Anderson.

Leanne stayed the night, and Peter is fixing her breakfast.  Peter tells Leanne that losing her was the biggest mistake he ever made (really?) and that he wasn’t going to let that happen again.

Peter brings Simon back for breakfast and Simon is more than happy to see Leanne there.  Simon tells Michelle that she’s a lot nicer than Naomi was, and Michelle.  Uh-oh.  The look on Leanne’s face says it all:  Michelle?

Speaking of which, as Leanne comes out on the street she sees Michelle and strikes up a conversation with her.  She tells Michelle that Peter’s looking for some help in the shop, if she’s looking for a job.  Leanne says that her and Peter could be getting back together, and that he’d already told her about he and Michelle.  Michelle divulges that they had a bit of fun, but then she had a tour to go on, so that was the end of it.  Then Leanne admits that Peter didn’t tell her anything.  Oh, what’s that smell?  That’s the sh*t hitting the fan, folks!  Leanne goes into the bookies and tells Peter that she’s fallen for his stinky lies again.  Leanne confronts Peter about Michelle and tells him that she doesn’t want him, not after this.  Leanne leaves in a rage calling Peter a compulsive liar, a compulsive cheat and a compulsive scum-bag.  I might use that last one!  Go Leanne!  Good one Peter, you managed to screw up again.

Michelle came in and tried to explain to Peter about what happened with Leanne.  It’s not Michelle’s fault.  Peter admits it’s his fault.  Michelle asks for her old job back, but Peter says not until things settle with Leanne.  If Leanne goes back to Leeds, then Michelle can have her old job back.  Now he’s got two women peeved with him.

At Janice’s, Leanne is packing her bags and asks Janice why she never told her about the fire at Barlow’s Bookies.  Janice said she didn’t tell her because she didn’t want her running back feeling sorry for Peter.  Janice figures she deserves better than Peter.  Janice asks her when she’ll ever learn – everything that comes out of Peter’s mouth is a lie.  There’s a lot of truth to that, there is.  Peter is calling from below Janice’s flat.  Leanne tells Peter go to away and starts throwing peppers at him and even cracked an egg on his forehead.  That was pretty immature, but funny.  C’mon admit it!

Blanche is watching little Simon again and asks him if he’d like a “plumonge.”  Peter says people odn’t eat that anymore, they eat yoghurt’s and stuff.  Blanche replies, “Yoghurt.  They couldn’t invent a more revolting name for a pudding if they tried.”  Peter tells Blanche about what happened, and Blanche tells “the devil’s often in the details for a woman.”  Blanche asks him what we’re all thinking: “When will you learn?”

Blanche bumps into Leanne in the street and tells Leanne that she has to figure out whether or not Peter is an out and out baddin’ or has he just let himself down.  Blanche tells her he tries his best, and tells Leanne that if she is leaving him, to make sure it’s for forever.  Blanche reminds her that it’s not just her and him in this equation, but Simon as well.  Simon thinks the world of her, and if she keeps stepping in and out of his life he could be seriously damaged.  Blanche tells Leanne she reckons that she’s still got feelings for Peter.  Blanche tells her that whatever she decides, just to make sure it’s final – for everyone’s sake.  There you have it folks, pearls of wisdom from our very own Blanche Hunt.

Sally’s dusting off her suitcases for their trip.  Seriously, she was actually dusting them off.  Sally’s immersed in holiday planning and Kevin couldn’t be more resistant to it all.  Kevin gets on the phone to a motel and books a double room for tomorrow.  The cad!  Trying to squeeze in a quickie before he leaves, I presume.

Kevin comes into Dev’s to organize a rendez-vous with Molly when Sally walks in and pops their adulterous bubble.  She leaves, and Kevin tells Molly that he’s scheduled something at the same motel as last time.  Molly cooly asks Kevin why she gets one hour and Sally gets two weeks.  Erm, does Molly forget that SHE is married too?  If she doesn’t like being the bit-on-the-side, then maybe she should pay more attention to her husband.  Kevin sweet talks her into agreeing to meet him.

Tyrone is happy that Kev’s away, because then he’ll be in-charge at work.  Molly lies to Tyrone again about having a “yoga class” tomorrow.  Tyrone says she can’t go, since Jack is having a going-away drink in the Rovers at that time tomorrow.

Good news, Jesse’s van has been found and it’s not damaged.  Later, Eileen is preparing some food in the kitchen when she hears a loud squawking noise in the back.  She opens the door to see John stood there at the step.  Eileen tries to scare him away with a butter knife.  Jesse comes home that instant and hears his bird and watches John walk through the living room to greet him.  Needless to say, he’s very happy to see his bird again.  Jesse thinks it’s all a miracle.  Eileen adds sarcastically “good news, at last.”

Luke and Rosie are seen sauntering out of Victoria Court in the morning.  Luke is giving Rosie a quick Business 101 lesson that’s going right into one ear and out the other.  Rosie’s more concerned with the coordination of her outfit.  They bump into Michelle who tells them that she’s back from tour.  You could cut the tension between Michelle and Rosie with a knife.  Michelle politely asks Rosie how she is.  Rosie isn’t happy to see Michelle, but it looks as though Luke is.

Luke sees Michelle in the pub later and strikes up a conversation with her.  Michelle asks after Rosie who enters then and suggests to Luke that they go back to the flat and get something there instead.  She tells Michelle will full airs, that “when you run a business all day, your head needs a rest.”  Michelle’s just being plain evil and pushing Rosie’s buttons at this point.  But it sure is funny!

Norris and Emily are gathering information regarding Ramsay’s funeral.  Emily has spoken to Liz and Liz will be putting out a few sandwiches for Ramsay’s wake.  Emily has made a lot of plans, but the only thing that’s missing is the eulogy.  Emily asks if Norris can do it, and he says he can “knock something together.”

Bounce Back: Mon Sept 14, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

September 14 2009

Written by Joe Turner, directed by John Anderson.

Simon and Peter wonder if Leanne is ever going to come ’round.  Peter tells Simon that they’re “Barlow Men” and they “bounce back” and demonstrates this literally by jumping around the living room.  Another cute father-son scene.

Leanne wakes up at Jan’s and Janice has a major hangover from a Christmas bottle of sweet sherry.  Janice asks her how things are going with her life, and Leanne confides that she’s left “Marco” her boyfriend.  Just wasn’t working out.  She also tells Janice that Peter and Simon came by the restaurant.  The penny drops for Janice and she realizes the true reason for Leanne’s impromptu visit.  Janice’s hair looks great too lately.  Did they get a new hairstylist on the set?  If so, they haven’t gotten to Theresa yet.

Blanche comes into the bookies and tells Peter she has “the gift.”  Blanche says she has second-sight and can see into the future.  She was in bed last night, then had this irresistible urge to go to the window.  She tells Peter that she saw Leanne Battersby climbing out of a taxi.  Peter asks her if she’s serious.  Blanche replies with “cross me heart, and Deirdre’s eyes.”  Peter asks if she’s sure.  Blanche reminds him that there’s no Alzheimer’s in her family.

Peter goes over to No.1 and sees Blanche soaking her feet in Deirdre’s washing-up bucket.  He asks if Deirdre knows she’s doing that.  She asks if this is the Spanish Inquisition.  lol.  Peter asks Blanche if she’ll watch Simon while he has dinner with Leanne.  Blanche asks if Simon can pumice her scaly parts, since she can’t reach ’em anymore.  Oh, enough!  Peter says that Simon will, for 10 pounds an hour.  Blanche tells him to go and fetch him, and they’ll negotiate.  I really like the Blanche-Peter story lines.  They’re like the odd couple.  Or something.

Peter hightails it out of the bookies, and sees Leanne ’round the corner coming out of Jan’s place.  Leanne fibs and tells Peter that she planned to visit Janice months ago, nothing to do with him.  She’s playing this very cool, but we know she wants him back.  They agree to meet at Rolls Roy’s for lunch.

Peter and Leanne have lunch at Roy’s, and Peter does his best grovelling.  During the lunch they both pad each other with lies (Leanne – still has a boyfriend, Peter – was a monk.).  This is going swell.  They both obviously want each other very badly!  Against their better judgment.  Or at least Leanne’s.  Leanne’s really working the SUL (stiff-upper-lip) throughout lunch with Peter.  Leanne asks for some honesty.  Oh, this should be good.  Leanne gets up and walks away in a fit saying she needs trust and honesty.  Peter breaks down and tells her that he wasn’t honest, and admits that he’s been with a couple of other women, but nothing serious.  They agree to have dinner at Peter’s.  Oh, we all know how this will end.

At dinner, Peter’s got a spread out.  Leanne brought Simon some sweets.  How sweet.  Peter says that Simon isn’t the problem – he is.  Peter describes how his life has been going, about the rabbit dying, plus about the place burning down, and his fight with alcoholism.  Leanne falls in love with what a great single dad Peter is.  Peter smiles at her approval of his fathering.  Peter says he isn’t seeing anyone right now, but was seeing two other women.  Leanne asks if it’s anyone she knows.  Peter says no.  Erm, Michelle?  Peter tells Leanne that he loves the bones of her.  Leanne says it’s enough talking – time for some snogging.  Curtains, draw.

Eileen and Jesse come down from the bedroom in the morning, and Eileen tells Jesse that she’ll feed John while he goes out to get milk.  Well, Eileen walks into the living room, opens the cage, then notices something.  They’ve been robbed and the entire living room has been ransacked.  When Eileen is surveying the damage, John crawls out of his cage.  Uh oh.  Eileen goes out back to try and find out where the burglar entered in from.  She leaves the back door open, and John crawls out.  Double uh oh.  Poor John!

Eileen goes through the house and realizes that all her valuable possessions are gone.  Then she looks up to the heavens and asks “why me?”  Jesse comes in and tells Eileen that his van is gone also.  Jesse suggest they call the police, then realizes that John is gone.  Jesse assumes the thief stole his parrot too.  Eileen has a sheepish look on her face, and lets him continue to think that.  Oh, Eileen!  Eileen calls the police to report the robbery.  The three detectives realize that whoever got in, had a key because there were no signs of b&e.

The police arrive at Eileen’s, and Jesse questions her about missing birds.  It appears that people don’t steal birds often.  Poor John!  Sean breaks down and admits that he brought a man home with him the night before (remember that shifty looking guy eying Jason at the club the night before, that offered to help him carry Jason out?).  Sean woke up and noticed his wallet gone and then put two and two together when he saw that they’d been robbed.  Poor Sean starts self-deprecating.  He’s like a lost puppy, is he.  Sean tries his best to give the copper a description of the assailant.  By best, let’s just say that I don’t think he actually saw this guy in the light.  Jesse asks Sean why the assailant took the bird.  Sean says he doesn’t know and that he had no idea they guy was into that sort of thing, otherwise he wouldn’t have brought him home.  LOL.  Good one Mr. Turner!  The copper says that there’s probably no chance of them ever getting their stuff back.

Poor Sean breaks down with guilt and starts crying.  Eileen reassures him that he’s just as much of a victim as the rest of them.  She assures him that they’ll get the stuff back, since that’s what they pay insurance for.  Sean says they can’t get his dignity back.  Jesse says they can’t get his parrot back either.  He’s probably still in the backyard.  Eileen should have checked at least!

Eileen hears from the insurance people, and lets on that the person who robbed them, they’d invited in the house, and now they won’t payout.  This just gets worse!

Molly and Kevin plan another clandestine rendezvous reveling in the fact that they’re, and I quote, “the worst people in the world.”  Sally is begging Kevin for a holiday for the two of them.  Kevin tries to dissuade her from the idea by claiming that they don’t have the money for it.  But we all know what the real reason is.  You know, starts with an “M,” ends with an “olly.”

Molly and Tyrone are having a pint with Sally and Kevin in the Rovers, when Sally announces that Rosie is paying a vacation for the two of them.  How nice of Rosie!  From the look on Molly’s face, it looks as though there’s going to be a new voodoo doll in her collection fashioned in a very low-cut shirt and short skirt.  Sally is happy that Rosie’s school funds weren’t wasted – or at least they’re happy they got a refund.  Zing!  Another good one!  Gees Molly – if looks could kill!  Drama Queen!  When Sally leaves, Molly reams Kevin out.  He comes into Dev’s shop later to cancel their torrid meeting that evening.  Molly is angry, since the last time that he went on holiday with Sally, he disposed of her.  Molly demands that Kevin choose between her and Sally.  Kevin pulls the “Tyrone card” (oh yeah, him) out of his pocket and lays it on the table.  That shut Molly up.  For now.

Jack talks to Connie about what items he’ll be taking with him from the Old Rectory.  Connie suggests that he moves stuff a bit at a time, but Jack doesn’t think this is a good idea.  Jack decides that Molly and Tyrone can choose what they like, since Vera would prefer that their stuff is helping a young family.  Jack decides to crack open a brew, since he always has one after making a big decision.  So do I.  And small decisions too.  It’s really the small stuff that counts.

Jack gives Tyrone and Molly the news about his leaving, and giving them his stuff.  Molly starts to tear up at the thought of Jack leaving.  It’s so nice to see “nice” Molly once in a while.  As opposed to devious-adulterous-pouting Molly.

Joe takes a jab at Bill and his “Bill the Builder” fluorescent orange dungarees.  I have to say, they looked better on Jason!  Joe comes and talks to Bill again, and asks him to send work his way.  He’ll do “anything.”  Bill asks, “anything?”  And Joe says he won’t do topless.  Oh, excuse me.  Just threw up in my mouth a little.

In the Rovers, Audrey and Gail are having a drink, and Audrey is trying to pop Gail’s new found “zen.”  Audrey claims that Joe could be shooting up in the ginnell right now.  Joe walks in that moment, and tells Gail that Bill has lined him up with a kitchen to fix.  I like “zen” and confident Gail.  Even if she is borderline-delusional!

Joe comes home later, and tells the ladies that he had a job fixing a botched kitchen fitting job.  His back is stiff, but otherwise okay.  Looks like Joe’s on the up-and-up now.  Joe pulls out a wad of cash from his pocket and tells Gail to “stick that in your kitty.”  Wow, that was naughty!

Minnie comes by the shop and tells Amber to “spill her guts.”  Molly listens in when Amber tells them about the fact that she kissed Mitch, and had a big falling-out with Darryl.  Minnie says that Amber should dump Darryl and go south with Mitch, job done.  Wait…wasn’t she the one giving Darryl advice to keep Amber not to long ago?  Gees.  Amber says she doesn’t know why she kissed Mitch, and she doesn’t know what she wants.

Amber heads over to the kebab shop to see Darryl, and Darryl tells her that he saw her kiss Mitch.  Bus-ted!  Amber is scrambling to save her hide with Darryl.  She blames Darryl for making her angry, and that’s what caused her to kiss Mitch.  Oh, puh-lease.

Amber tells Darryl that they’re good together and she doesn’t want it to end like this, between them.  Amber asks Darryl to come to London with her.  He says he can’t – his shift just started.  Oh, poor Darryl.  Ah, young love.  Well, it’s over between Darryl and Amber.  The end of Damber.

A cab pulls up the street in the middle of the night, and out pops Michelle and whats-his-name (her son).  I almost forgot about Michelle!  Do we really need her on the street?  I’m glad her old hair is back.  She’s now living in the kebab shop apartment.  This is bad news for Peter “honest” Barlow.  My word, that Michelle is irritating!

Suffering Ice-Cakes: Fri Sept 11, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

September 11 2009

Written by Jonathan Harvey, directed by Alan Wareing.

Peter brings Simon home from school and asks him why his teacher says that he’s been quiet all day.  Simon tells him that he’s way to young to be experiencing all this loss.  Yes, that’s what he said.  He heard his teacher tell this to another one.  Peter tells him not to be earwigging.  Peter offers to get him a new rabbit, but Simon says he just wants Leanne (the rabbit) back.  He also says he’d like a funeral for his rabbit.  Oh, pet funerals are so sad!

Peter tells Ken that he’ll hold off on his holiday to Portsmouth (to visit Adam) for the rabbit’s funeral.  Ken remarked that Deirdre was away, and in her absence he thought it best to visit Adam for a while.  Funny, I thought he found it best to visit women in boats along the canal in Deirdre’s absence.  Ken informs Blanche that Peter’s planning a funeral for the rabbit.  Blanche thinks this is a brilliant idea.  She must have an opening this week, between court cases and, other funerals.  Blanche is worried though, since she doesn’t have time to take her “funeral outfit” into the cleaners since she got egg-nog on it at the last send-off she attended.  She’ll just have to wear slacks.  Heaven forbid.  Ken goes up to see Simon, and Blanche warns him, “Be careful Kenneth.  He might have the gift of the gab, and the hair of Cleo Laine, but Tracey Emin, he is not.”  I love Simon’s hair!

Steve comes into the bookies, and Simon asks him how he copes with being a single dad.  Steve figures men aren’t cut out for it, and he’s lucky he’s had good women in his life.  Peter says he agrees.  Well, no one’s meant to be alone.

Peter goes to the Webster’s and asks if they have a shovel.  For the rabbit.  The rabbit’s funeral.  In the Red Rec.  Sophie suggest they bury Leanne in their garden, so Simon can see him whenever they want.  Can you really just go digging holes and burying this in public park space any how?  Sally agrees to have the funeral in her backyard, so long as she doesn’t have to prepare a spread.  What, after her last dinner party went so well?  lol.

At the rabbit funeral, Sally is on the phone to Kevin saying how she’d feel uncomfortable going outside, since she didn’t really know her, or him.  Sally reckons that Leanne was some kind of transsexual rabbit.  Those are just the BEST kind of rabbits.  When I go to the pet store, I make sure to request a transsexual rabbit.  I’ll have none of them one-sexed bunnies in my house!  I wonder where Rosie gets it from?  OMG, the rabbit funeral was so sad, but SO cute.  Simon’s hands-down my favorite youngster on the street.

After the funeral, Peter feels bad for how sad Simon looks.  Blanche reminds him that Simon’s smile can light up a room.  He gets that from her.  LOL.  Peter tells Simon to cheer up, because they’re going on a trip.  Oh, really.  Where to, I wonder.

Peter and Simon enter a snazzy restaurant and ask for a table for two.  Simon asks where they are.  Peter tells him they’re in Leeds.  Oh, I know who’s in Leeds.  And there she is, the “original” Leanne.  Simon is happy to see Leanne and smiles and calls her name.  Leanne looks shocked to see the two of them there.  Well, delighted to see Simon, but shocked to see Peter.  The second Leanne sees Peter she walks out of the room.  She comes back out, and acts cool towards Peter.  Simon asks her if she’s cross with them.  Leanne tells him of course she’s not.  Well, not with Simon at least.  Leanne’s still miffed about Peter cheating around on her last time she was on the street.  Leanne tells Peter she’s got a boyfriend.  Peter and Simon leave the restaurant with longing looks back at Leanne.  Simon’s look seems to melt Simon’s heart.  Will we be seeing Leanne back on the cobbles soon?  Peter tells Blanche that Leanne’s “the one”, but it’s too late.  Blanche thinks he could be wrong.  Oh, Blanche, you’re spot on!  A cab pulls up to the street, and Leanne pops out.  Leanne is sitting on the bus bench across from Barlow’s Bookies looking contemplative.  She calls Janice and asks if she can stay with her.  Here to stay, eh?

Steve and Becky are back into the motions of their everyday life.  Becky’s still scared of the “wrath of Hooch.”  Steve tries to assure her that everything’s going to be fine.  Liz comes in asking if Becky can do a shift for her that night, but Steve reminds Liz that it’s their “wedding reception, take 2” tonight.  How many times are these two going to have a go at a wedding?  Becky isn’t in the mood for “wedding reception, take 2” and tells Liz she can do the shift.

Becky is all in good spirits again, traipsing around the street in her loungewear and curlers in.  Which leads to the question…is Becky the new Hilda Ogden?  Blanche sees her and exclaims, “Suffering ice-cakes!  I thought you’d be languishing in Wentworth prison by now.  Having your hair done, and watching educational shows about empowerment.”  Blanche tells her just because she got off, doesn’t mean she’s innocent.  Becky says it’s a shame she feels that way, since she probably won’t want to come to the pub tonight for a free bevvy.  Blanche tries to back track, but Becky puts her foot down and lets her know she ain’t welcome.  Becky leaves calling Blanche a “big bully.”  How fitting!

Becky’s so happy, she’s gone “quirky” and has started using an American accent!  It’s fabulous!  I kind like quirky Becky.  I’d buy a food processor from her, for only 4 easy payments, any day.

At “wedding reception, take 2” Sean pulls a sickie, and it looks like Becky might have to work, but Lloyd offers to pull pints instead.  Becky’s elated, and says she could just eat him!  Lloyd tells her “not now, everyone’s watching, maybe later.”  Oh, that was naughty!  Didn’t think I’d catch that, did ya Mr. Harvey, but I did.

Outside, Steve is putting up a banner for Becky over the Rovers, and Hooch drives up and tells him to get in, they’re going for a ride.  In Hooch’s car, Hooch admits that his plan came apart when he decided to use that user, Slug.  Hooch tells Steve that Becky’s off the hook, she’s got a fresh start, but there’s new ground rules.  Hooch warns Steve that scum like Becky will take him down one way or another, then asks him to get him out of the car.  That whole interaction was strange for so many reasons.  Steve comes home and tells Becky about what happened and presents her with her “Becky” necklace he got back from Hooch.

At “wedding reception, take 2,” Anna asks the guests what they think of the cake.  Kevin thinks it’s “all wrong.”  Roy thinks it’s “surprisingly tasty.”  Anna comments that that’s just like her Eddie!  Oh, gross!  Mr. Harvey, you naughty boy, that’s two-for-two tonight!  The bride and groom present themselves with Amy in tow.  Hayley remarks that Steve looks dashing in his suit.  Roy comments that a suit can cover a multitude of sins.  Really?  Is that why I love a man in a suit!  Steve gives a heartfelt speech.  Steve promises to make their future a damn sight better than their past.  Well, that shouldn’t be too difficult.

Later, they’re doing the conga-line in the Rovers to “hot, hot, hot.”  Is the Rovers big enough for a conga-line?  Are conga-lines only exclusive to wedding receptions and cruises?  I digress.

It seems as though Pam’s online advertisement has done the trick, since Jesse is swimming in CV’s for his new Hiyalowa.  Eileen’s not too happy about her living room being used as an audition space.  Eileen’s not thrilled about too much that comes with Jesse lately.  Well, except for one thing.  Heh.  Eileen’s hair and makeup have been looking fantastic lately!  I just had to put that in.  Jason’s on his way to a game with Leon, and asks Sean if he’d like to join.  Only, Sean promised he’d do a shift at the Rovers for Liz.  Sean says he’ll come later on.

Jesse auditions a real hoot of a woman named Haley, while Eileen is sat in the corner with Sean, who’s flat-ironing his hair.  Really?  Who is he, Ryan Seacrest?  Well, Hayley gets an A for enthusiasm.  If there’s someone John can’t stand more than Eileen, it’s Haley!  Jesse points out that John loves Julie.  Eileen points out that “everyone loves Julie.”  Eileen and Sean are just howling with laughter at Haley’s audition.  Eileen tells Haley she’s rubbish.  Haley angrily asks who Eileen is, Amanda Holden on steroids?  Ah ha!  Haley should try stand-up instead.  Julie says that Jesse should be looking for someone like her, and that she’d be more than happy to be his Hiyalowa.  Julie starts breaking out in Abba and Eileen hightails it to the pub.

Later, Sean arrives at a bar showcasing “Mr. Gay Weatherfield.”  Oh, when does it click for Jason?  Inside the bar Sean spots a very inebriated Jason amongst Weatherfield’s gay populous.  Jason’s having a great ole time!  Sean asks if he can have a word with Leon.  Leon tells Sean that he thinks he’s in love with Jason.  Sean tells Leon that Jason’s straight, and hasn’t got any clue that any of them are gay.  Leon asks if he’s thick or something.  Yes, he is.  Leon’s not believing Sean, and thinks that Sean is only saying that because he’s not “over” Jason.  Sean tries to tell Jason that he’s in a gay club, but Jason’s not that thick and says he worked it all out when he saw a sign that said “Mr. Gay Weatherfield” outside.  Maybe Jason just likes the attention.  Jason’s not too bothered when he finds out he’s on a gay footie team.  Jason could give two pennies about the whole gay thing.  Sean is freaking out, and Jason tells him “no more drama.”  Leon sees Jason and Sean talking and walks over.  Leon accuses Sean of trying to get back with Jason, and that he can’t pull the wool over his eyes.  The gay footie team throws Jason up on stage with drag-queen extraordinaire!  Sean looks scared.  Jason tells the queen that he’s a builder, and the queen requests a “builder dance.”  Jason, of course, obliges.  The audience wants some flesh (this audience included) and cheers him “off.”  And *poof* off comes Jason’s shirt.  Looks like he’s been to a chest-waxing party.  Can you TURN gay?  I’m starting to wonder watching Jason.  The queens asks Jason if he’s got a boyfriend, and Jason replies “no.”  Que howling from the audience.  Oh boy, they’re announcing the winner of Mr. Gay Weatherfield!  I love a sleazy good pageant me!  Of course, Jason wins top prize is Mr. Gay Weatherfield.  Leon looks over at Sean and remarks “not so straight now, is he?”

Jason is pass-out drunk and Sean wants to take him home, but Leon insists that he stay.  Sean tells the truth to Leon and Drunk Jason, that he told Leon that they were a couple so that Leon would think he could pull fit lads.  Leon asks what he did that for.  Sean says because he’s a freak, and because he fancied Leon.  Leon’s not happy about it all, and calls them “tourists.”

Darryl meets Amber for “College Jeff’s” party.  Amber says someone named “Mitch” is meeting them at Streetcars to go with them.  Darryl wonders who Mitch is, all jealous and stuff.  Mitch comes ’round the corner looking a little like Fonzworth Bentley.  Now, I’m not too good at this gaydar thing (if you knew my dating past), but I have a feeling Mitch might not be anything for Darryl to worry about.  Darryl really needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut when he’s not talking.  He’s going to start catching flies.  Darryl tells her that they need to talk about their relationship.  Amber gets frustrated with Darryl’s jealousy and asks why every man in her life has to be a big fat moron!  It’s just a part of being a woman, my dear.  Amber asks Darryl if he’s coming to the party or not.  Darryl says he’d rather eat a pack of razor blades.

Amber walks back from the party with Mitch.  Mitch tells Amber to stop banging on about Darryl, since he treats her like dirt.  Well, not really.  Mitch is moving in for the kill!  Mitch says he bet’s Darryl doesn’t kiss “like this” and throws Amber against the wall and kisses her.  Darryl is walking around the corner leaving a concerned message on Amber’s voicemail when he spots them making out in the streets!  That cuts, poor Darryl.  Looks like I was wrong about that gaydar, again.

In other news, Teresa’s on the hunt for spam, and is probably on drugs because she’s gone and shook Steve’s ladder (literally, he was putting up a sign over the Rovers), and asked him if he wants to touch her spam.  Oh, boy.  Oh, yuck.  Teresa’s eating spam-out-of-the-can with a fork while serving her son some “sympathy kebab.”  She’s like a homeless cat, that woman!

SAB HIldaBecky copy

Judgment Day: Thu Sept 10, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

September 10 2009

Written by Martin Allen, directed by Alan Wareing.

Open to Becky frying up Steve’s eggs.  You know, making his breakfast.  She’s very nervous about her judgment day.  Steve and Becky are concerned that if Becky does go down, it’s going to have a negative effect on Amy, since for her mother’s already in jail and all.  Liz suggests that Becky tell Amy about what’s going on.  Becky tells Amy that someone got her in trouble when she did no wrong, and that when she gets home from school that night, she might not be there.  Amy asked where she’d be, and Becky explains that she might be in “that prison place” like her mum.  Amy asks her if she’s killed someone.  WOW.  That’s just NOT something that should be the first thing on a kid’s mind.  Tracy has royally screwed this kid up, let’s pray for her now.  Becky tells her that she’ll be thinking of Amy every day since she’s her favorite little girl and she loves her to bits.  Oh, this is making me teary-eyed!  Amy gives Becky a hug and a kiss and tells her not to be sad.

Becky goes to Roy’s and has a Mixed Grill.  She went the whole way through the menu, as she said she would.  Kelly comes in and rubs Becky’s fate in her face, since she’s still miffed about Becky setting her up with a criminal record twice as long as it otherwise would have been.  Becky tells Kelly that when she gets out, she’ll have a good man waiting for her, but Kelly will still be down in the ginnel getting groped because it’s the closest thing she gets to being loved.  Ouch!  That was harsh.

Well, Becky’s said her goodbyes and is finally ready to go to court and face her judgment.  Liz tearfully tells Becky to take care of herself, and she really means it.  Liz also gives Becky a hug.  Oh, something’s melted Liz after all.  I think she just really cares about her Steve’s happiness.  Steve and Becky leave the pub together, for possibly the last time.  At least for a while.

Steve and Becky are at the courts, and they kiss and remind each other “till death do them part.”  Becky goes to the desk to sign in, and she’s told that she’s free to go.  The charges have been dropped.  DC Hooch peers out at them through a slit in the blinds and watches them walk out of the court.  Looks like Steve’s bluff worked quite well after all.  Guess having Becky go down wasn’t worth losing his career for.

Becky and Steve waltz right back into the pub.  Becky’s face looks happier than it did on her wedding day!  Well, rightfully so.  She walks in and exclaims “I’m free!”  Liz wonders why there was no explanation of why her case was closed.  Lloyd reckons that their little threat had worked on Hooch.  Becky is a bit paranoid though, and thinks Hooch might have something else up his sleeve.  Perhaps he just chose to live and let die?  I’m sure he’s got plenty of other cons to hound.

Peter informs Simon that he won’t have to see Naomi again, to his relief.  Bad news.  Peter goes to feed Leanne (the rabbit) and realizes that she’s gone to rabbit heaven.  How’s he going to tell Simon?

Peter’s working down in the shop and Blanche walks in.  It appears she has come to express her approval.  Peter’s as skeptical as I am.  Blanche tells him how she saw Naomi leaving his place at a civilized hour last night.  She commends Peter for putting Simon first, before his tawdry love-life.  *claps all ’round*  Peter informs her that he has no love life no, tawdry or otherwise.  Peter explains that Simon didn’t take to Naomi so he gave her the boot.  Blanche thinks more parents should be as responsible.  Peter asks her to look after the shop for an hour while he nips out and gets Simon a new rabbit.  Oh, the old switcheroo!  Blanche tells him that Simon knows every tuft of fur on his body, he can’t just get a replacement.  What kind of an idiot does Peter think Simon is?  Peter asks what he should do.  Blanche has no good advice.  Although she should, since as she’d say, she’s been to more funerals than Peter has had hot dinners.

Peter sits Simon down and tells him straight-out, that Leanne (the rabbit) has died.  Peter shows Leanne (the rabbit)’s body in the shoebox.  Simon says it looks like he’s asleep.  Peter says, in a way, he is.  Simon wants to stroke him one last time.  Simon asks if Leanne (the rabbit) will go to heaven with his mum.  Peter says that she’ll look after him up there.  Poor Simon!  He says he wants to go to heaven now.  Oh, haven’t we all been there.  Only, we might not have been 5 years old when we thought it.  Poor thing.  Peter reminds him he’s got all his life to live yet.  Oh, the child performances this episode have got me with tissues ready!

Blanche later comes by the bookies flat and asks Peter how it went with Simon.  Peter reckons that Simon isn’t upset about just the rabbit, but about his mum.  Peter thinks that Simon needs a mother’s love, but Blanche tells him he’s got a father’s love, more each day from the sound of it.  Peter thinks that there’s a big hole in Simon’s life, and he’s got to fill it.  But how?

Sean wonders why Jesse’s parrot John doesn’t talk very much.  Jesse informs him that “some do, and some don’t.”  He also mentions that they can say over a thousand words.  Eileen remarks that that’s more than her Jason.  lol.  Leon drops by, remember him?  Leon asks Jason if he wants to hang out later.  It’s clear that Sean’s lie is still alive and Leon thinks Jason is gay.

Jesse complains to Bill and Pam about how he can’t get a woman to play Hiyalowa.  He’s no good as a single-act.  Yeah, that’s the problem.  Pam suggests he get his ad online.  Pam gets Jesse’s online ad polished.  Just then, Jason comes down dressed head-to-toe like Bob the Builder.  Leon walks in at this moment looking very, very interested  upon seeing this little show.  Oh, this just gets better.  Jason and Leon would actually make a pretty great couple.  You know, if Jason were gay.

Amber comes by the kebab shop to tell Minnie about a going-away party for “College Jeff”, aka, “Dandruff Jeff” (we don’t call him that anymore, he’s cool now).  She tells Minnie and Darryl that they’re invited.  Darryl couldn’t be more impressed.  lol.  I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – that’s a good hairstyle for Amber.  Minnie thinks Darryl’s scared of Amber’s brainy mates and that’s why he doesn’t want to go to the party.  Darryl tells Minnie that he told Amber he wanted to move to London with her, but she barely listened.  Minnie suggests that Darryl convince Amber that he means it.  Darryl looks thoughtful.

Later, Darryl tells Amber how serious he is about them living together in London.  Somewhere on a bus route that’s not too pricey.  He’d work, and she’d go to school.  Amber doesn’t look very excited about the prospect.  Seems to me like she wants a fresh start.  Amber reminds Darryl that she’ll be back home 5 months of the year.  Amber thinks they should just see each other at weekends.  She assures him they’ll be fine.  It doesn’t sound very assuring!

September 10 2009 2

Inflagranti: Mon Sept 7, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

September 7 2009

(sorry for my absence – been on a bit of hiatus!)

Written by Mark Wadlow, directed by Alan Wareing.

Jack’s looking for his next place to live.  Molly suggests Jack buy the flat that Jason and Tina are doing up, and have an ensuite pigeon coop put in.  Oh, every home-owner’s dream.  Surely Jason and Tina have hollowed out some space for such a commodity.

Tyrone’s ashamed of the fact that Molly makes it seem like they row all the time.  She reminds him that they do.  Tyrone is keen on not letting Jack move out.  He’s is going to have a terrible case of separation anxiety when poor Jack moves on.  Jack and Connie have lunch at Roy’s and Jack tells Connie that he’s decided to take her up on her offer to move in with him.  He’d be barmy not to.  Connie is elated at this prospect.

Meanwhile, Kevin and Molly are canoodling in the garage, when Sally walks in.  They pretend to be talking about marathons.  Note to self: If the man starts getting obsessed with marathons, he could be sleeping with his co-worker’s wife.  Molly and Kevin arrange ways to meet in secretive ways to further carry on their affair.  Tsk.

Jack comes into Dev’s to ask Molly for some advice.  Jack tells Molly about Connie’s offer to move in with her.  Molly says it sounds ideal, but Jack’s worried about Tyrone’s response.  Jack is overly nervous to tell Tyrone about his new move.  Molly reminds him that he doesn’t need Tyrone’s permission.  Tyrone comes home, and Molly tells Tyrone that Connie has asked Jack to move into her house, isn’t that brilliant?  Tyrone does NOT thinks so from the look on his face.  Tyrone still thinks that Connie is after Jack’s money.  Jack says he’d like both Molly and Tyrone to go up and see the place for themselves.  Tryone says “over my dead body.”  Molly tells him “If necessary, get your coat.”  lol.

Jack, Molly and Tyrone drive up to Connie’s house, and Tyrone is shocked at the size of it.  There goes his gold digger theory.  Tyrone reckons the last time he was in a house that big, he had to pay admission.  Jack says if Tyrone could give him his blessing, it’d be nice.  Tyrone softens a bit, and then completely melts when he sees the billiards room.  Connie tells Tyrone he’s welcome to play billiards any time he’d like.  Tyrone apologizes for calling Connie a gold digger.  Jack says if anyone’s a gold digger, it’s him, since he reckons that Connie is pure gold.  Wow, that was so cheesy, yet so sweet at the same time.

Back at home, Molly says it was lovely what Tyrone said at Connie’s.  Tyrone says he’ll be happy he has the place to himself.  Molly tells him she doesn’t want to be one of “those couples” that comes home every night and veg’s out on the couch.  Yeah, she much prefers to be one of “those couples” that cheats on each other.  Or at least the wife cheating on the husband with the friend.  One of THOSE couples.  Molly tells Tyrone she wants to try Yoga.  This must be her “front” for seeing Kevin.

After Steve’s retrieval of his fair wife Becky, they’re back at home playing house and Steve suggests that they go on a day trip.  Becky would rather stay at home, especially if this day becomes her last day of freedom.  Steve is still on the scent for Slug, driving Lloyd mad with his insistence that they continue looking.

Roy can’t figure out why Becky always get stuck in trouble.  Hayley and Becky get mad at him for blaming her troubles solely on her bad reputation.

Miraculously, Lloyd finds Slug and tackles him to the ground and bounds his arms in a “citizen’s arrest.”  Steve finds Lloyd with a bound Slug.  They put Slug into the car, and Steve reams Slug over planting drugs on Becky.  Steve asks Lloyd to rough Slug up.  Lloyd tells him he doesn’t lay into people, it’s not his nature.  Steve tries his best to be fierce and tries to wallop Slug, but he doesn’t have it in him, so he tries to give him shaken-baby-syndrome instead.  Gives him a really good shakin’.  Funny scene. Lloyd accuses Steve of being rougher with Amy.  Steve responds that he does not hit his daughter.  Steve tries to figure out who Slug would be scared of, if not them.  They throw Slug in the boot.  The car pulls ’round to the Street, Steve opens the boot and Slug looks up at an unhappy Becky.  Lloyd pulls Slug out of the boot and Becky starts walloping him.  Steve says you have to be born with that kind of aggression.  They take Slug into the cab office, and question him.  Slug’s denying his involvement with DC Hooch.  Slug tells her that he cares about her, he wouldn’t do that to her.  Slug says he’s sorry about what happened, but he had nowt to do.  Becky tells him he’s just a big lie, and he’s lying now.  Becky wants to talk to Slug alone and asks him why he did it, if he was jealous of Steve, or if he just wanted to ruin her.  Slug admits that Hooch was blackmailing him, that Hooch used him to get to Becky.  Slug tells her he’s sorry he let her down.

Steve called the solicitor and says this is explosive stuff.  Hooch could go down well and good for all he’s done.  Slug says he’s not going to court, since he’s got too much to go down for.  Steve says he’s not going to let this go.  Steve wants to call a copper’s bluff.  Lloyd says that sounds risky.  Steve holds Slug’s drugs over his head to help them out.  Steve puts a call into Hooch threatening his career.  Hooch meets them where they’re parked.  Steve accuses him of planting drugs in his bar.  Hooch asks where his proof is.  Steve says the proof is in the car.  Slug tells Hooch that he’s prepared to repeat everything in court and go down.  Steve tells Hooch that he made it happen, and Steve is going to make it stop.  I dunno, Hooch looks pretty confident.  Hooch isn’t taking the bait, and tells Becky he’ll see her in court.  Becky thinks

Well, it looks like Peter Barlow’s charm worked on the classy-lassy in the Rover’s the night before, as he’s got her pouring out of his bedroom the next morning.  Just as they’re gallivanting in the living room, Ken shows up with Simon in tow.  I killed myself laughing over Simon’s expression at seeing the two of them.  Oh, he wants to play!  LOL.  Say it with me, awk-ward.  This reminds me of when I was younger, and my brother couldn’t understand why my dog kept “dancing” with the couch.  LOL.

Later, Peter comes over to no.1 to apologize for this morning’s embarrassment.  Blanche tells him that she heard that he was caught “inflagranti.”  Ken said he should have phoned before he came over.  Blanche accuses Peter of having a different woman in that flat every week.  Blanche tells him “nevermind a betting shop, it’s like a knocking shop over there.”  LOL.  Peter thinks she’s exaggerating.  Who?  Blanche?  No way.  Simon comes home from school, after having used Naomi’s perfume and the little “inflagranti” story this morning for his show and tell.  That’s somewhat…inappropriate?  LOL.  Kids.  Blanche is very impressed that Naomi is a qualified nurse.  Blanche reckons that having a qualified nurse in the family would be like having private health insurance.  Peter accuses Blanche of being the geriatric equivalent of a child in a sweet shop.

Peter invites Naomi over to have dinner with her and Simon.  Simon’s all dapper in his waistcoat, very cute.  Peter says he wants the two of them to get acquainted.  Really?  On the second “date?”  That’s a bit much.  Naomi doesn’t seem much impressed by this.  She drudges through a game of snakes-and-ladders.  Peter asks Simon if he likes, her, but Simon doesn’t.  Simon says she makes him feel like he’s in the way.  Peter tells him that he’s never in the way, never.  Simon doesn’t want to eat his tea and just wants to go to bed.  Naomi accuses Peter of giving her the cold shoulder.  Peter tells her he’s not sure it’s going to work out between them, because he’s a single dad and a recovering alcoholic.  Peter tells her if she doesn’t hit it off with Simon, then it can’t work.  Naomi’s not happy, and calls it a new low.  Well, what do  you expect?  His son has to come first.

Joe wants to go to court on his own.  Not with Gail, not with Tina.  Tina’s not happy about it, but she accepts his wishes.  Later, Joe returns from court after having been sentenced with Community Service.  Well, that’s a slap on the wrist, really, compared to what he could have gone down for.