Written by Mark Wadlow, directed by John Anderson
Open to Joe’s body floating on the lake currently unnoticed. David wants to pull the plug on the whole charade, but Gail’s firm – they must protect Joe.
Tina receives the flowers from “Joe” and she doesn’t want them. She doesn’t want expensive flowers she doesn’t like a day after her birthday. She preferred a phone call, obviously. Tina’s upset that her father’s spending money he hasn’t got on flowers when she’s left to fend with a loan shark.
Speaking of which, Slick Rick starts banging on Gail’s door. He doesn’t get what he wants so he goes across the road. Tina answers the door and she gives him the card that “Joe” sent attached to her flowers and tells him it’s the only contact she’s had with her dad in over a week. Slick Rick isn’t amused and demands his money, but Jason tells him he’s getting nowt from them and to shove off. What’s Slick Rick to do now? What anyone would do – coat a newspaper in excellerant, shove it through Tina’s mailbox and throw in the match. I was just wondering when this situation was going to go from worse to terrible. Jason smells the fire and puts it out just in time to see Slick Rick smile and drive away from the street. Jason tells her he’s phoning the police. FINALLY! Someone is phoning the police. Who thought that Jason would be the genius in all of this?
Tina sends a text to Joe: “Your loan shark just tried to kill me, please call” thinking it’d get an immediate response. Of course, David picks up Joe’s binging phone in his kitchen and shows Gail the message. Even THEN Gail won’t call the police. A young woman’s life is less important that Joe going to prison in her mind? Wow, my opinion of Gail, which wasn’t very high to begin with, has just gone down to basement level.
Tina tells Gail how Jason’s phoned the police and has told them everything – to Gail’s horror. The police are on their way and want to interview Gail also. Tina can tell from Gail’s paper-thin face that something’s going on. David tells Gail she needs to tell Tina the truth. Gail confesses all to Tina, and says she only lied to protect Joe. I can’t imagine what Tina is thinking right now. The cops arrive and Gail tries to convince Tina they can’t tell anything. Tina’s not sure she believes a word of it. Gail tells Tina that if she tells the police, they’ll look for Joe, find him, and he’ll go to prison. Tina utters, “good.” I second that “good.” You know, if I didn’t know he was dead already.
Meanwhile, up at the lakes, a border collie named Lottie has found Joe’s body washed up in the reeds.
If I had a dime, for how many times the police showed up at Gail McIntyre’s place of residence. Do you know how many times the police have shown up at mine in my life? Zero, but then I’m not nearly as interesting as Gail McIntyre, or as stupid. Gail confesses to the police that she’s indeed been having trouble with a debt collector. Gail lies to the police about Joe’s whereabouts and tells the police that Slick Rick won’t take no for an answer. Tina confesses that the loan shark has visited her a few times, but this was the first time he really threatened them. The police tell them that they do know the loan shark, and they’ll be taking him in for questioning. Tina keeps mum on Joe’s crazy plan to the police, for Gail’s sake. After the police leave, Tina wants more answers. Tina wants to know where Joe is NOW. Tina worries that anything could happen to Joe, just wandering around the Lake District. Gail tells Tina that what keeps her going is the knowledge that Joe could walk through the door at any minute. Not bloody likely, as Lottie’s owner has called the police who are now arriving at the site of Joe’s body.
Tina tells Jason all what Gail has told her about Joe’s plan in the Rovers. Jason figures Joe’s not doing a very good job of pretending to be dead since four people know he’s alive, plus he’s sending texts and flowers. Tina figures that’s why Joe hasn’t rung – to keep up the charade. Jason figures Joe’s plan has gone belly-up and he won’t come home since he’s too embarassed. All the suddent Tina had a terrible thought and rushes to have a word with Gail. Tina wonders if Gail telling Joe that she wouldn’t go along with his plan was too much for him to bear and he really tried to kill himself. Gail assures Tina that he’d never do that. Tina tells Gail that if Joe’s not back by Monday, they phone the police and tell them everything and Gail agrees.
Eileen, Jesse and Sean stare at Jesse’s winnings just sitting on the table. Eileen figures it’s a scenery changing amount of money, Jesse a car changing amount, and Sean a wardrobe changing amount. Eileen figures they should take a two week holiday with the money. Jesse feels like it’s not even real. Oh really, have they never seen money before? Jesse doesn’t want to squander it all at once, but save it for something special. Eileen assumes that’s her, but it’s clear from Jesse’s face that it’s not.
Eileen’s very excited thinking that Jesse’s going to take her on lavish holiday, since she heard Jesse on the phone to a travel agent’s this morning. She gets home and Jesse hands her a little box with a watch inside. Eileen thinks it’s lovely and thanks him. Eileen sees an Egypt travel brochure on the table and gets her bubble burst when John tells her he’s taking his mum and dad. Eileen is clearly, clearly disappointed. Jesse thought he was being kind, but Eileen tells him to the wrong people. Jesse hopes she’s not asking him to choose between her and his parents. Eileen tells him that’s exactly what he’s asking, and he should take HER to see the pyramids and if not, they’ve got no future. She gives him an ultimatum: take me or don’t bother coming back. Harsh, but fair. Jesse, of course chooses his parents over her. She tells Jesse to take his parrrot and go, but Jesse says he can’t take John to Egypt. Eileen tells him through gritted teeth that John’s not stopping at hers. John leaves and says goodbye to Eileen, and Eileen doesn’t even look at him as he walks out the door with John in tow. Eileen admits to Sean that she’s relieved that Jesse’s gone. Sean thinks it’s all a big misunderstanding.
Gary’s home this weekend and Anna’s excited about it. Anna’s not happy to hear that her and John’s hours are going to be reduced since Roy’s Rolls isn’t immune to the credit crunch. Gary returns home to slack from John about some ‘bright young lads shouldn’t be risking their lives in war’ garb. Gary has brought a buddy home with him. Soon Gary’s friend spies Rosie Webster, and Gary tells him he and her go way back. Gary’s friend doesn’t even believe him. Gary’s mate tries his best on Rosie trying to sound like a real soldier. Rosie asks if he’s been to “Afgaviistan” or Iraq, and the mate lies to her that he has.
Over at 5 Grasmere, Audrey picks up the phone to a telemarketer, while watching TV alone at home on the couch. She pulls out a business card from her valet and calls you-know-who. In what seems like a second, Lewis is over at Audrey’s in his best turtleneck sweater. Audrey fibs that she had a previous engagement that was cancelled and she was all dressed up with nowhere to go. She then tells Lewis that she doesnt’ know what to do with him now that he’s there. Oh, I’m sure that’s not true. Lewis suggests they go to the Rover’s since it’s Audrey’s local haunt. Lewis has a plan for something special and tells Audrey to call her pals and makesure they’re all at the Rovers, it’s a surprise. Audrey walks into the Rovers all done up, alone. Suddenly, Lewis walks into the pub. Deirdre notices Lewis eyeing Audrey up in the bar. Oh, very, very fun. Lewis comes over and keeping up the ruse, pretends to recognize Audrey from her councillor days. Audrey’s friends look shocked to see this man just pouring himself over her.
– Eileen, Jesse and Sean sat drooling over Jesse’s winnings. Have none of these people seen money before
– Jason being the one with the most sense to finally call the police in all of this Slick Rick nonsense!
– Steve telling Eileen that seeing her in a good mood is against the natural order. Don’t worry Steve it probably won’t last long.
– Eileen telling Steve she might need a fortnight off from work at very short notice, thinking she might be going on holiday, and Steve asking if she’s going to prison or something. I love the banter between these two.
– Audrey fibbing to that she had someone cancel on her last minute for an engagement and found herself “all dressed up and no place to go.” Beautiful.
– Gary’s friend comments that the landlady, Liz, is the hottest thing in the Rovers. Gary tells her to be his guest since Liz’s got a thing for younger men. Zing! I don’t know if that was all a compliment or an insult?
– Liz’s miffed face when she realizes Lewis wasn’t looking to chat her up, but Audrey.
– David as the voice of reason. How far gone is your scheme that David Platt becomes the voice of reason? Think about it!
– Tina realizing that her father has left her to deal with his loan shark – one way or another.
– Gail finding out that Slick Rick tried to kill Tina and she still won’t go to the police! What is wrong with that woman?
– Poor Eileen having to tell Jesse that she doesn’t want a parrot lover, she wants an Eileen lover. Will there ever be an Eileen lover?
– Poor Tina telling Joe she loves him while the paramedics are zipping his body up in a bag.
Lo Looking forward to: Rita’s return, she was supposed to come back soon, no? NOT looking forward to: Tina’s broken heart when the body of her father is revealed